sum ergo sum

New Orleans In May I happened to see a post from the New Orleans Burlesque Fest inviting performers to submit audition videos to participate in the upcoming event in September. I of course sent in the video of the aerial cube act from our Pagosa Burlesque show that happened in March. Not really expecting anything I was surprised when I received the official invitation. My partner informed me she would be out of the country and I would need to replace her. Malaya, my lovely daughter was my first choice, she is already a strong aerial performer and she and I have similar body builds. Not to mention performing with my daughter is a dream come true.    The cube is unforgiving, painful and frustrating to master. Many days we would show up, bang and bruise, smack each other, whack our heads and get completely dizzy. The steel bars are brutal and our bodies showed the battle wounds. She and I worked for three months on the routine and sure enough after our many days of ...

Thank you all so much for the tremendous outpouring of love and support and compassion and kindness. It has been a nonstop flood of love flowing towards our family. All the food, flowers, gifts and sweet words of comfort have meant so much to our family in this terrible time. We all thank you deeply. A few words from a mother’s perspective. When I was in labor with Juliana the midwife told me, that natural labor is the most amount of pain a body can handle before it dies. Going through her birth brought a sense of confidence in the knowing that I survived. However, I believe she was wrong. Feeling the loss and grief over my daughter’s death is more. Its not only a physical crippling sensation it’s a literal suffocating fog of the deepest sadness I have ever experienced. The worst nightmare materializing and not a thing I can do but feel every ounce of excruciating anguish. What I understand from this experience is pain is Natures Tenderizer. Its an opportunity to intimat...

“You don’t have to do it alone”. One of my favorite Books The Shack. I recently have been going through a really dark and frightening transition in my life, one that I didn’t want to even consider looking at,but needless to say life is about change and we cannot deny it. The Change I’m referring to has been coming for a while now and like it or not My Husband of 22 years and I will be going through a Divorce. At first all of this was heart breaking and scary and I felt so alone but something came over me. “YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS ALONE” I talked to God, I asked for guidance, here’s what I got. First I had a comforting sensation and a reassuring feeling that everything will be ok. I was guided to look into my own darkest part of my heart shedding light on what it is I’m still holding onto. What it is that is causing my pain. What I saw was a refusal to love. I saw a great fear of my own wellbeing and future. I saw how my fear kept me in a small, trapped angry place an...

If God had come to me 23 years ago and said; Hey Sariah I have an amazing adventure for you if your ready. You will fall madly in love with a stranger, you will marry and make 4 beautiful babies, you will struggle like you have never struggled before, money will be tight but love will get you through. You will have many, many heart breaks, you will suffer from depression, betrayal, lonlieness, self esteem, you will be shamed and ridiculed, your heart will be broken.  On the lighter side you will travel the world, You will have many friends and loved ones, you will have plenty of money and all the comforts you could ever desire, you will laugh, you will have more fun than you can imagine, you will cry and love and hate and feel like the world is amazing and terrible. You will grow and age and your children will love you and leave your care, you will find peace in nature and with animals. You will eventually love yourself and you will realize all of this is tailored to you a...

Stop struggling~ my marriage Thinking about my struggles to be a better person and realizing the more I struggle the more I have to struggle. I’ve been watching my words. Watching the stories I tell about my life. One of those stories has been that my marriage has been a struggle. I have issues with being understood and accepted, I complain about how hard it is to get along and have fun together. I talk about how different we are and how our interests are completely opposite.  I joke about marrying for contrast. Paying attention to these little stories I talk about has been incredibly enlightening. I didn’t realize that all this time I’ve been creating a marriage of struggle. I only just now realized that it doesn’t have to be a struggle. My marriage can be anything I choose. If I change the way I look at it and look for all the positive aspects that are already present, then I will be creating a more fulfilling beautiful relationship with the man I already love. I...