sum ergo sum

If God had come to me 23 years ago and said; Hey Sariah I have an amazing adventure for you if your ready. You will fall madly in love with a stranger, you will marry and make 4 beautiful babies, you will struggle like you have never struggled before, money will be tight but love will get you through. You will have many, many heart breaks, you will suffer from depression, betrayal, lonlieness, self esteem, you will be shamed and ridiculed, your heart will be broken.  On the lighter side you will travel the world, You will have many friends and loved ones, you will have plenty of money and all the comforts you could ever desire, you will laugh, you will have more fun than you can imagine, you will cry and love and hate and feel like the world is amazing and terrible. You will grow and age and your children will love you and leave your care, you will find peace in nature and with animals. You will eventually love yourself and you will realize all of this is tailored to you a...

Stop struggling~ my marriage Thinking about my struggles to be a better person and realizing the more I struggle the more I have to struggle. I’ve been watching my words. Watching the stories I tell about my life. One of those stories has been that my marriage has been a struggle. I have issues with being understood and accepted, I complain about how hard it is to get along and have fun together. I talk about how different we are and how our interests are completely opposite.  I joke about marrying for contrast. Paying attention to these little stories I talk about has been incredibly enlightening. I didn’t realize that all this time I’ve been creating a marriage of struggle. I only just now realized that it doesn’t have to be a struggle. My marriage can be anything I choose. If I change the way I look at it and look for all the positive aspects that are already present, then I will be creating a more fulfilling beautiful relationship with the man I already love. I...

My body There was a time when I hated my body. It was right after I had all four babies and my youngest was about a year old. I remember being so mean and critical every time I would look at my self. I was mad at how having children took its toll, it stretched my skin and my breasts were sad and deflated. I would work out every day and eat right but nothing seemed to make a difference. I struggled with my obsession. I struggled with self pity and hatred. I remember being disgusted. Then one day something shifted. I realized that I would never treat any one with such rudeness. I would never be so unkind then why was I treating myself this way. I sat alone in the bathroom staring into my eyes and looking for something. Looking for acceptance, looking for love. I decided that night to stop with all the negative comments and started looking for things I can love about my self. I made a bath, lit some candles and created a little ceremony of gratitude. I touched every part of my ...