sum ergo sum

Insight What a crazy world of emotion and illusion and projection I live. Let me explain. Years ago as a young person filled with excitement and wonder I left my family of origin and decided to give life a go. I wanted to test my self, see what I was capable of. I didn’t have a plan just desire to make my life great. I moved to a snowy college town got three jobs and enrolled in school. As life became difficult I started to doubt my self. My excitement became less and less as the workload became harder and harder. I did what most young ladies do when they have no real experience with their own empowerment, I asked for help. I started to believe that I couldn’t do it on my own and I needed to be saved. Damsel in distress! My favorite hero was, and still is, superman. I needed a Superman to rescue me. Sure enough on cue he did. I met my husband and I was saved, we were no longer individuals but a couple and two minds are way better than one. He was full of ideas and ambi...

Home What is it anyway~ I woke with a deep longing to be home, this happens now and again but this time it was almost crippling. I wrapped my arms around my middle, curled into a fetal position and wept. It felt like an eternity of tears and uncontrollable sobs. I then asked my self what am I missing? What is actually going on? Why am I having such intense emotion around the concept of “HOME”?   Here’s what I got; as a young person we were moved around from house to house, and state to state, even spending many of our moves in Mexico. My parents were nomads, Gypsies. They would move us with out a moments notice and take us to some unknown place. As a child I had no idea why we would move so much but it usually meant I got to leave school and drive across country and start again somewhere else. Eventually this became tiresome as I would not want to be stuck in a van with six or seven other kids, and I did not want to leave my friends behind. I did want an education. The...

Standing on the edge of the abyss naked wearing nothing but my diamond earrings, the world is a wondrous place. I wave my arms and greet the sky anything is possible. The wind blows around my skin and my heart beats faster. This is it, my life is mine, and I jump. Sailing into the unknown with out a parachute only a smile. My body plunges into the vast spaciousness and I am free. Solo, but not alone, I am greeted by the rush of gravity taking hold. The forces of nature guide me as I make my way to the unimaginable. My eyes fill with liquid and my form begins to shift. Into what? I do not know. I feel only the rush moving towards a destiny, a death of the illusion. Layers upon layers peel away reveling my limited thinking, revealing my soul. I am bone I am flesh. I am nothing and empty and full. The void has me, caresses my heart and comforts my mind.  This journey has only one finale and I am screaming towards it.

In San Diego, with my 18 year old daughter, she wanted to go to Sea World for her birthday. I am not a big fan of theme parks but wanted her to enjoy herself. Earlier in the day we had been talking about what she wanted to do now that she had graduated High School. She was in an overwhelmed and uncertain mood not really having a clue of how to proceed in her life. We talked about intentions and dreaming and allowing her mind to be open to possibilities and how these are attractive forces that will draw the right experiences to her. We also talked about being negative and grumpy and how this too will draw similar experiences to her. During the day in the theme park I was focusing on enjoying our stay for her sake but as the day continued I felt my self getting tired and grumpy loosing my attitude. She wanted to ride a water ride and told me to wait for her since I was completely opposed to getting wet. I of course wouldn’t have it, I couldn’t possibly let her ride alone, wh...