sum ergo sum

Home What is it anyway~ I woke with a deep longing to be home, this happens now and again but this time it was almost crippling. I wrapped my arms around my middle, curled into a fetal position and wept. It felt like an eternity of tears and uncontrollable sobs. I then asked my self what am I missing? What is actually going on? Why am I having such intense emotion around the concept of “HOME”?   Here’s what I got; as a young person we were moved around from house to house, and state to state, even spending many of our moves in Mexico. My parents were nomads, Gypsies. They would move us with out a moments notice and take us to some unknown place. As a child I had no idea why we would move so much but it usually meant I got to leave school and drive across country and start again somewhere else. Eventually this became tiresome as I would not want to be stuck in a van with six or seven other kids, and I did not want to leave my friends behind. I did want an education. The...

Talking to my self,  At night I lay in my bed caress my skin and whisper sweet nothings to my self. I say things like I love you so much Sariah. Thank you for being the person you are. Thank you for sharing your body with me, for being open and willing to understand this universe. Thank you for your perspective. I adore you. I truly cherish my time with you. Every part of you is precious and I am so grateful to be having this experience of loving you completely. Every ounce of who I am is in love with every ounce of you. I love your mind, your body, down to every tiny working cell and most of all I love your heart. I love witnessing the expansion of you. You are my favorite person on this planet. My wish is your command. Anything, you can conjurer up I will gladly give to you. You are my world.

What’s really the point? This is a question I have been asking my self since I can remember. I have to believe it’s a mental program from childhood. However, lets dive in for a moment. When I experience this thought my body feels week and tired, my emotions are sadness and loneliness, my mind is cloudy and disinterested. I ask my self what is there to live for then I answer, my children of course. I end up feeling trapped in this body, wanting to give up but knowing I can not. I tell myself I’m here to learn. Learn what? How to be human? I am here to have an experience. Experience what? Human emotion; sensation, being distracted, being alone, being separate, being shaded, and cynical. If we are all apart of source and we all return to source then this moment in our fleshy prison must have some kind of purpose. Maybe the question alone is in fact the purpose. I have a meditation practice, and sitting alone with my breath is delightful, it’s a vacation from my brain, from a...