sum ergo sum

The magic ingredient You There is so much going on at any one moment. We are all so conditioned to stay busy, productive, useful. Rushing from place to place, event to event, moment to moment. It all seems crazy and pointless until there is that one thing that happens that takes our breath away. That one happening, for some reason feels bigger than all the rest. The one glimpse into our true selves and that feeling of wholeness and connection. It could be anything, it could happen at any moment it could be as simple as a kiss or a beautiful landscape. What is it that makes that one moment so different from the billions of other moments? You. The real you the one that is divine and always connected the one that is all powerful and brilliant. The moment you step into the picture at the same time as the present moment the two intertwine and magic happens. You are the missing ingredient. Its possible to be completely in the present moment enjoying what it is offering. It is poss...

The part of me that loves chaos also loves the edge also loves obstacles and challenges. She says here take my picture I’m going to perform something I’ve never done before. She is the ferocious competitor who finishes first. She is the one climbing to the top of the rope with no legs . She is the one who does the exact opposite of the other people just because she wants to prove it can be done. Last night I woke at 3:33 in full blown conversation with one of my all time favorite Philosophers. I had to write… Alan: There is no right way or wrong way there is simply the way you are doing it right now The light and the dark must exist at the same time, with out the other neither will exist. Chaos and structure are both necessary and both right.   The only difference is the sensors we use when trying to interpret each structure. Structure is easier to notice and we use our eyes that are made to see in the light. Chaos is a little messier and requires the use of our touch or f...

My ego and I   I awoke from a dream of chaos and turmoil, feeling confused and frustrated, furious, misunderstood, ignored, unimportant, insignificant. These feelings lingered for a bit muddying up my beautiful morning and then something happened as I sat with the feelings. (I literally sat on the couch with a note pad and cup of coffee and would take notes as the storm cloud of emotions passed through me.) The scary feelings began to pass and I began to feel free, this process wasn’t one of conjuring up meaning around the emotion only one of just being with the emotion. I imagined this emotion was like a friend I can sit quietly with. As the emotion passed I began to see a mental program that has been running my life. This program was put in place for my survival. It was a necessary program for all of us when we lived with wild animals trying to eat us. But I could see how this program needed some updating. My Ego, I imagine her as a young dominatrix dressed in black leathe...

How can any of us ever really know who we are until we can go back and see the thoughts we had when we were little. If we could look into the mind of our infant self, the toddler the young child, then we can start to make sense of the filters we have been given. The filters that have formed our lives hide in these early years. This way of looking at life has a purpose it was created for us to survive the weird inexplicable events of our raising. The people involved the bizarre ideas that our little minds choose to hold on to are usually hard to access. They lay hidden in our subconscious darkness, obscured by a fog of misunderstanding. These thoughts that are usually written off as “childish nonsense” are the very foundation that the adult self is built upon. The self-loathing the sabotage the destructive person inside our minds is a child. I’ve been reading a book about dreaming by Robert Moss; one of my amazing girlfriends recommended it. She has been doing dream...