sum ergo sum

Something has shifted~  The day before the 18 th  I woke with an amazing feeling of clarity. My eyes shot right open as I felt the heavy mental fog lift off my tormented brain. This feeling was so intense that it was all I could talk about for the past two days. I feel wonderful!!! Its been 9 months since my daughter left this world. I have been writing everyday, spilling my heart out to my journals trying to make sense of my world.  Every single day she would bombard my thoughts.  Every single day I would have intense emotion flooding my cells.  Every day tears would flow, so much some times that I couldn’t be in public.  Every day I questioned my course of action and my purpose on this planet.  When am I going to feel better?  How long does it take to grieve the loss of a loved one? When will I actually let go of the sadness? When can I just be happy to be alive? This whole process has been one of learning to le...

Greiving~ denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. The stages of grieving.... Well, I think I got mine a little mixed up but here goes. I know I will have to go through all these stages at some point but what I have felt so far are denial and depression. Anger is now showing up and I don’t like it. I do not like feeling so angry. I look into my anger and I cannot blame anyone or any thing it just is and I don’t know what to do with it.  What is anger anyway? {Anger is used as a protective mechanism to cover up fear, hurt or sadness} Where does it stem from and how can I rid myself of this feeling?  I feel like a monster. I will sit with this intense emotion, I will feel it through my every cell. I will let it run its course like a nasty virus and I will be still. I will allow my body to process.   I will writhe and scream, I will spit and curs, and it will be ok. It will all be ok, this is what I asked for and here I am feeling ...