sum ergo sum

444                                                                            I have been up since 3  I woke several times in dreams the dream recording started at 12:29 then 12:39 then 2:54 then 3:16 this is when I decided to get up take a shower then write to you.  I am dreaming multiple dreams at the same time. The dreams are blending into each other. There is one common denominator, me, I am watching all the dreams happen and know I’m watching.  The people in the dream are also me and all the lives are happening at the same time. For some reason I chose to wake up in this body maybe because this is the body that will write about it.   There is a group of friends in a living room we are all watching the stories I am dreaming about on a giant screen. The...

Swapping skin suits Dream   I had the ability to switch out skin suits. My body could be put on and taken off like a piece of clothing. When I would step into my skin I would immediately feel all the attachments and preferences connected to the physical being. The love and relationships that were important and the unique combination of   chemicals hormones and emotions that were habitually flooding my body. I would try on other peoples skin and sink right into the thoughts and fears and loves and moments of that person. All the attachments of my old skin were gone as I was submerged into a new set of sensory preferences. I could feel the connection of loved ones and stories. I could completely understand the feelings associated with the stories that were present. Each skin suit was wonderfully unique; it came along with such a beautiful combination of likes and dislikes and habits and talents. What I did notice was as I was able to bring my consciousness into these suit...

At one point in my life, (during a landmark education course) I stood up and said out loud, “I want to stop drinking coffee because I know it was so bad for me and I’m totally addicted” I felt shame for my statement probably because I was raised Mormon and coffee is against the rules.  My coach was sipping his coffee while I spoke and almost spit it at the audience. There were maybe 150 people in the crowd. He basically laughed at my statement then said Its not my addiction to caffeine that I need to change its my passion. I need to find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I am looking to be lit on fire with desire and excitement. I am craving vitality and drive. My excuses are what are weighing me down and making my mind feel lethargic. My reasons for not living an inspired life are keeping me in bed and Coffee has nothing to do with it. He challenged me to get really big. To live a life that others can see for miles away because it’s so bright. He challenged me to tak...

The part of me that loves chaos also loves the edge also loves obstacles and challenges. She says here take my picture I’m going to perform something I’ve never done before. She is the ferocious competitor who finishes first. She is the one climbing to the top of the rope with no legs . She is the one who does the exact opposite of the other people just because she wants to prove it can be done. Last night I woke at 3:33 in full blown conversation with one of my all time favorite Philosophers. I had to write… Alan: There is no right way or wrong way there is simply the way you are doing it right now The light and the dark must exist at the same time, with out the other neither will exist. Chaos and structure are both necessary and both right.   The only difference is the sensors we use when trying to interpret each structure. Structure is easier to notice and we use our eyes that are made to see in the light. Chaos is a little messier and requires the use of our touch or f...

How can any of us ever really know who we are until we can go back and see the thoughts we had when we were little. If we could look into the mind of our infant self, the toddler the young child, then we can start to make sense of the filters we have been given. The filters that have formed our lives hide in these early years. This way of looking at life has a purpose it was created for us to survive the weird inexplicable events of our raising. The people involved the bizarre ideas that our little minds choose to hold on to are usually hard to access. They lay hidden in our subconscious darkness, obscured by a fog of misunderstanding. These thoughts that are usually written off as “childish nonsense” are the very foundation that the adult self is built upon. The self-loathing the sabotage the destructive person inside our minds is a child. I’ve been reading a book about dreaming by Robert Moss; one of my amazing girlfriends recommended it. She has been doing dream...