sum ergo sum

I woke early this morning after a full night of tossing and turning. Feeling sleepy I set up my Cuban coffee maker on the stove. While I waited I had a feeling to move my body so I listened.  My yoga mat was already laid out on the floor and I stepped on it. My body instinctively knew what to do. I reached my hands to the sky took in a deep breath then lowered my arms exhaling. This felt so good I continued moving this way over and over until the movements became rhythmic and my breathing synchronized. I moved from a place of intuition, pure allowing, and I was amazed at the strange shapes my body created, bending and twisting extending and contracting.  Every movement coincided with the breath. I noticed a part of my brain that wanted to judge the movement saying this is not proper yoga. Then a grater part of my self calmed the little voice and assured it that this is in fact the truest yoga around.   The literal  meaning  of the Sanskrit word...

FEAR False Evidence Appearing Real For as many years as I can remember I have had a re-occuring nightmare of ocean waves rising so high they take over the building I am in and kill everyone.   The building changes in my dream but the ocean is always so fierce and powerful that it takes the lives of everyone in my dream. In my waking world I have not had a negative experience with the ocean and am sure this is because I keep a distance. Something changed. My last experience with the ocean and my fear just recently happened in Maui Hawaii on a family vacation. I love standup paddle boarding, I’ve been playing on my board in our lakes during the summer. I feel very confident in my abilities and have been practicing yoga and balancing. I truly enjoy paddling around on the water. In Hawaii a surfer friend of ours, brought us a variety of boards to play on, one was a stand up paddle board. The beach we were at had two breaks and there were several surfers already o...

Art is the soul expressing itself Movement is my art. I’ve been searching for years for my special talent, my own expression. All along its been right here with me. My body. I have discovered that when I allow it to move to music there is such a sweet connection to an inner power and delight. I have developed a love for the edge of what my body is capable of and a curiosity for what is possible today. It is so intriguing how that edge is constantly changing. I have learned to breathe into the corners of my movement and they stretch. I have learned to embrace discomfort, as I know resistance is the thing that will allow me to grow stronger. Acceptance is the most important part of this equation, being able to accept my whole self completely. Saying kind words to my skin and muscles and organs has allowed me to cultivate a special relationship with this miraculous vehicle I am living in. Every step I take is my art.

What’s really the point? This is a question I have been asking my self since I can remember. I have to believe it’s a mental program from childhood. However, lets dive in for a moment. When I experience this thought my body feels week and tired, my emotions are sadness and loneliness, my mind is cloudy and disinterested. I ask my self what is there to live for then I answer, my children of course. I end up feeling trapped in this body, wanting to give up but knowing I can not. I tell myself I’m here to learn. Learn what? How to be human? I am here to have an experience. Experience what? Human emotion; sensation, being distracted, being alone, being separate, being shaded, and cynical. If we are all apart of source and we all return to source then this moment in our fleshy prison must have some kind of purpose. Maybe the question alone is in fact the purpose. I have a meditation practice, and sitting alone with my breath is delightful, it’s a vacation from my brain, from a...