sum ergo sum

Spirit support 11 months today, our beautiful Juliana left this world.    Its been a whirlwind of an experience.   I haven’t been posting in my blog as my attention was intensely focused on studying and passing my flight exam and check ride.  I’m happy to announce the instrument rating is now behind me as I passed with flying colors, literally.  The magnitude of the preparation has been all consuming. I didn’t know that I actually had the ability to study with such dedication. The flying practice itself was extremely challenging and many days I wanted to give up.  During the check ride, (after we had been already flying for over an hour,) I was feeling extreme doubt and exhaustion. My examiner was doing his best to cause a disorienting situation by changing my instruments. He placed sticky notes on three of the critical instruments then expected me to find my way with only use of a oscillating compass, all the time remaining on cou...

Check in  I’m currently sitting in a little white, well lit, room on a comfy bed. My bags and books all around me. I will be diving into my studies in a bit but I just wanted to get a few words out as there coming to me now.  I have been in So Florida for almost 7 weeks and have been staying with a sweet family that has opened their home to me. I came here to get a change of perspective. I came here with the intention of working on my flying so that eventually I can work as a professional helicopter pilot. I’m still very inexperienced and still have so much work to do. I love flying. I love learning and at this point in my life I’m so grateful I have it as a distraction.  Before I chose to come here I was basically isolating my self from the world, submerged in the depths of my own grief and heartache. I would spend my days sitting on the couch staring at the walls completely lost. Not knowing how to navigate my own heart and the feelings of loosing my child....

Butterfly women Calling all butterflies all you beautiful beings who have spent your years slithering on your bellies, inching around in your silly uncomfortable bodies. Fearing the predators who are in search of a tasty meal. It is time to transform. It is time to wrap your flesh with the outer shell of experience and allow for the growth to permeate your cells. You have done the work of being a grubby little creature now for the nourishment of your innermost self. Sleep and dream of freedom and flying. Dream of beauty and possibility. Your body will begin to feel the tightness of this protective skin. You will begin to shift and move and beat up against your outer layer. Do not be afraid for it will feel as if you are dying, and you are. The wormy self is dying to the wings that are growing. You will thrash and cry and push and expand. You are meant to struggle to build the strength it takes to rip open the outer containment. Hit those walls and rejoice for those br...