sum ergo sum

New Orleans In May I happened to see a post from the New Orleans Burlesque Fest inviting performers to submit audition videos to participate in the upcoming event in September. I of course sent in the video of the aerial cube act from our Pagosa Burlesque show that happened in March. Not really expecting anything I was surprised when I received the official invitation. My partner informed me she would be out of the country and I would need to replace her. Malaya, my lovely daughter was my first choice, she is already a strong aerial performer and she and I have similar body builds. Not to mention performing with my daughter is a dream come true.    The cube is unforgiving, painful and frustrating to master. Many days we would show up, bang and bruise, smack each other, whack our heads and get completely dizzy. The steel bars are brutal and our bodies showed the battle wounds. She and I worked for three months on the routine and sure enough after our many days of ...

Death is not painful, living is painful and magnificent and wonderful and delightful. I stepped into the other world today. Not on purpose and it was very brief but needless to say there is something so tremendous out there waiting for all of us.  My initial sensation was ease, then wonderment then joy. I came back laughing. Let me explain. I play on my aerial silks daily working on my strength and mastering gravity, flipping and twirling for the pure fun of it. Today was different today something happened after hanging upside down then flipping to a hang by my armpits. I must of cut off my circulation and passed out. This all happened so quickly that my friend who was also working out didn’t even notice.  I know it was only brief, but in my mind it felt like a week. I felt my self separate from my body. I was walking down a long corridor dark and totally silent, it took a moment to understand what was happening and ...

In San Diego, with my 18 year old daughter, she wanted to go to Sea World for her birthday. I am not a big fan of theme parks but wanted her to enjoy herself. Earlier in the day we had been talking about what she wanted to do now that she had graduated High School. She was in an overwhelmed and uncertain mood not really having a clue of how to proceed in her life. We talked about intentions and dreaming and allowing her mind to be open to possibilities and how these are attractive forces that will draw the right experiences to her. We also talked about being negative and grumpy and how this too will draw similar experiences to her. During the day in the theme park I was focusing on enjoying our stay for her sake but as the day continued I felt my self getting tired and grumpy loosing my attitude. She wanted to ride a water ride and told me to wait for her since I was completely opposed to getting wet. I of course wouldn’t have it, I couldn’t possibly let her ride alone, wh...

Tiff Having a little tiff, an experience of discomfort and friction. Immediately I check in and try to think of this event as a catalyst to my own personal growth. I play a game with my self and imagine my heart staying open no matter what. I see the event as a thing and place that thing in my open chest letting my heart process the thing as I sit quietly and allow the remnants flow through my cells and evaporate off my skin. Some times I get stuck, I repeat the scenario over and over until I can catch my obsessive monkey mind and change my thoughts. Some times I have to play the “what if” game. I imagine all the millions of other possible scenarios that could have been me. This world is truly a magnificent mystery. With so many thrilling stories and happenings. I could have been born on another continent, or another gender, I could have been disabled, deaf, blind. My birth parents could of abandoned me or beat me. I could have been indoctrinated into a satanic cult that ...

At first it feels disheartening, challenging and somewhat scary. Then I realize that it is up to me to stay open and feel my way through this new challenge that has presented itself. A part of me wants to shut down and give up and there have been many days when this is exactly what I did but not today. Today I feel strong. Today I feel connected. Today I know that I am here to expand who I am and feel the greatness that is already present inside of me. I breathe and feel the emotion. I keep my heart open and let it filter my experience. I shed a few tears and start to notice my body relaxing, I feel the emotion flow through me and exit. Leaving behind a new awareness. Leaving behind a new confidence. It is ok to bump up against barriers. I feel the support of the Universe, knowing that I am here to be in the middle of new and challenging scenarios so that I may learn who I really am and what I am truly made of.  Om Shanti~