Death is not painful

Death is not painful, living is painful and magnificent and wonderful and delightful.

I stepped into the other world today. Not on purpose and it was very brief but needless to say there is something so tremendous out there waiting for all of us. 

My initial sensation was ease, then wonderment then joy. I came back laughing.

Let me explain. I play on my aerial silks daily working on my strength and mastering gravity, flipping and twirling for the pure fun of it. Today was different today something happened after hanging upside down then flipping to a hang by my armpits. I must of cut off my circulation and passed out. This all happened so quickly that my friend who was also working out didn’t even notice. 

I know it was only brief, but in my mind it felt like a week. I felt my self separate from my body. I was walking down a long corridor dark and totally silent, it took a moment to understand what was happening and to register what I was feeling. I felt complete joy. Walking into this world was easy and delightful. I instantly knew that everything I cared about, worried about, obsessed over, was all a dream and none of it was important. I knew I could continue walking and not come back, it was my choice. I knew that all those in my life would be completely fine with out me and they were in their lives for their own purpose and experiences. I knew that I clearly chose to be alive in a human body to experience all of what it is to be human. To feel, to question, to wonder, to explore, and I also knew that I was totally safe in all of it, nothing can actually hurt me the real me. 

I had this sensation that I love being in a body and the realm of wonder and delight and that all of it is good. Then in an instant my partner started yelling at me and asking what the hell was I doing ( this actually didn’t happen I must have imagined it) that moment I began to come to, I noticed the pounding music in the room only instead of hearing it I felt it with every cell. Pulsing through me like energy currents. I was aware of my body hanging by the arm- pits and couldn’t move it at first. I had to will my limbs to move as I slithered down to the ground. I lay there for a few moments trying to understand what happened and then burst out laughing. Laughing from the deepest part of me laughing at the wonder of it all. Laughing at the meaning I place on all of my life and realizing it is all for my enjoyment. All of it, the good the bad the obstacles the puzzles the people the issues the desires. I chose it.