sum ergo sum

Something has shifted~  The day before the 18 th  I woke with an amazing feeling of clarity. My eyes shot right open as I felt the heavy mental fog lift off my tormented brain. This feeling was so intense that it was all I could talk about for the past two days. I feel wonderful!!! Its been 9 months since my daughter left this world. I have been writing everyday, spilling my heart out to my journals trying to make sense of my world.  Every single day she would bombard my thoughts.  Every single day I would have intense emotion flooding my cells.  Every day tears would flow, so much some times that I couldn’t be in public.  Every day I questioned my course of action and my purpose on this planet.  When am I going to feel better?  How long does it take to grieve the loss of a loved one? When will I actually let go of the sadness? When can I just be happy to be alive? This whole process has been one of learning to le...

Life has opened to me and I to her My thoughts deliberate My joy on purpose My creations appear as I allow My dreams clear There is so much love in the world I can feel it with each beat of my heart The pulsing of blood in my veins I am alive

Stop struggling~ my marriage Thinking about my struggles to be a better person and realizing the more I struggle the more I have to struggle. I’ve been watching my words. Watching the stories I tell about my life. One of those stories has been that my marriage has been a struggle. I have issues with being understood and accepted, I complain about how hard it is to get along and have fun together. I talk about how different we are and how our interests are completely opposite.  I joke about marrying for contrast. Paying attention to these little stories I talk about has been incredibly enlightening. I didn’t realize that all this time I’ve been creating a marriage of struggle. I only just now realized that it doesn’t have to be a struggle. My marriage can be anything I choose. If I change the way I look at it and look for all the positive aspects that are already present, then I will be creating a more fulfilling beautiful relationship with the man I already love. I...