sum ergo sum

My ego and I   I awoke from a dream of chaos and turmoil, feeling confused and frustrated, furious, misunderstood, ignored, unimportant, insignificant. These feelings lingered for a bit muddying up my beautiful morning and then something happened as I sat with the feelings. (I literally sat on the couch with a note pad and cup of coffee and would take notes as the storm cloud of emotions passed through me.) The scary feelings began to pass and I began to feel free, this process wasn’t one of conjuring up meaning around the emotion only one of just being with the emotion. I imagined this emotion was like a friend I can sit quietly with. As the emotion passed I began to see a mental program that has been running my life. This program was put in place for my survival. It was a necessary program for all of us when we lived with wild animals trying to eat us. But I could see how this program needed some updating. My Ego, I imagine her as a young dominatrix dressed in black leathe...

Confusion If you were to ask me the question, (who are you? or what do you like?, describe yourself?) I would have a complete meltdown  with tears and self pity and physical symptoms like fatigue and stomach ache.  I usually leave the Bio section blank on everything I do. I had to have my business partner write my short bio for our website and it made me cry when I read it. It took me well over a month to create a resume.  Theres something in me that has a huge hang up on trying to describe me in simple terms. The reason behind this is that I truly don't know who I am or what I like or where I am going. Its evident if you look at my library of a thousand self help/ motivational books.   When my youngest daughter was little she would ask me, “mommy whats your favorite color today?” I would reply “this very moment it is _________ but it could change”.   I also wouldn't make promises when the kids asked me and my reasoning was, how do I know if I wont change...