sum ergo sum

Inspiration~   Taking a break, hitting a serious reset button on my life. Taking time to evaluate and simplify and prioritize the people, the experiences, the importance of all of the things I focus on and give time and energy too. Sitting quietly on an island staring at the sea, waves, birds, sunshine, and sand. I breathe and feel my heart. I breathe and know everything will be ok. I breathe and tears roll down my cheeks and I feel gratitude to have a body that can feel the streaks of wet. I am so happy to be here now in the middle of the chaos of loss and grief and beauty, magic and inspiration. My entire world has been shaken, like a snow globe. The cool part is, I didn’t know that there were sparkles on the ground. I never even imagined that if it were shook hard enough that the most beautiful shimmering glitter diamonds would appear everywhere and my life would be surrounded by magic. My flat world has become alive, multidimensional, fluid. Every corner, eve...

I found this piece scribbled in my journal, I wrote it the middle of the night after I had been struggling with  life  issues and asked for help and guidance.  The hand writing was surprisingly clear and different from my own. ~ Breathe dear one know you are divine breathe dear sweet tender soul and feel the universe in your cells breathe and let the corners of your lips turn up for life is to be lived, cherished, experienced there is nothing you could do to loose favor with source so be now in this moment now in your skin now in your experience now in your heart breathe and know you are apart of all creation, all of life and when this ends there will be more  worry not of things to come but create beauty every step of the way be joy  be love  be light in time we all will turn in our fleshy bodies in this life we all will die what is will not always be and being while you’re a being is what you n...

For the sake of it I am writing to you this beautiful southern Colorado spring morning, there is no reason, there is just  you and I and these words.   Doing for the sake of doing. Writing for the sake of writing, loving for the sake of loving. Giving up “in order to.” Yesterday I spent most of the day cutting down fences and listening to my breath. I quietly felt as thought every stretch of barbed wire that I rolled up was in a way freeing the land. As my mind would wander some how I kept cutting and rolling this rusty spiky wire. I realized that my body doesn’t need me. My mind can be a million miles away and my body will continue on the task at hand. I also realized that when I was able to reel in my thoughts and quiet them down, that I was able to also experience the sensations of doing, breathing, moving, the ground beneath me, the birds chirping, the sun shining, and the mountains being mountains. There is something truly spectacular about just being, the mom...

let It be Feeling down is a familiar place for me. I believe I have spent most of my life in a mild state of depression. Detached from my body and the other people in my life. I don’t have many childhood memories that are positive. Most of what I remember is foggy, aloof, disconnected. This place was a sort of hiding ground for me as a young person being able to watch from the sidelines rather than jump in and be a part of my life. Well here I am at almost 42 just learning to jump in take the bull by the horns, trust that it will all work out. Here I am loving this life Here I am loving my children Here I am diving into my fear and coming out the other side Here I am realizing that I have more power than I could have ever imagined Here I am sitting at my laptop after three days of absolute depression talking to you. Here I am calling my self forward. When I get caught up in the emotions of being sad and being defeated not much gets done, all I want to do is drink t...

My ego and I   I awoke from a dream of chaos and turmoil, feeling confused and frustrated, furious, misunderstood, ignored, unimportant, insignificant. These feelings lingered for a bit muddying up my beautiful morning and then something happened as I sat with the feelings. (I literally sat on the couch with a note pad and cup of coffee and would take notes as the storm cloud of emotions passed through me.) The scary feelings began to pass and I began to feel free, this process wasn’t one of conjuring up meaning around the emotion only one of just being with the emotion. I imagined this emotion was like a friend I can sit quietly with. As the emotion passed I began to see a mental program that has been running my life. This program was put in place for my survival. It was a necessary program for all of us when we lived with wild animals trying to eat us. But I could see how this program needed some updating. My Ego, I imagine her as a young dominatrix dressed in black leathe...