sum ergo sum

Standing on the edge of the abyss naked wearing nothing but my diamond earrings, the world is a wondrous place. I wave my arms and greet the sky anything is possible. The wind blows around my skin and my heart beats faster. This is it, my life is mine, and I jump. Sailing into the unknown with out a parachute only a smile. My body plunges into the vast spaciousness and I am free. Solo, but not alone, I am greeted by the rush of gravity taking hold. The forces of nature guide me as I make my way to the unimaginable. My eyes fill with liquid and my form begins to shift. Into what? I do not know. I feel only the rush moving towards a destiny, a death of the illusion. Layers upon layers peel away reveling my limited thinking, revealing my soul. I am bone I am flesh. I am nothing and empty and full. The void has me, caresses my heart and comforts my mind.  This journey has only one finale and I am screaming towards it.

Yoga Alchemy Why did I go and what did I get? Originally I decided to go on this yoga retreat because I was feeling like I would like to learn from great teachers. I wanted to take some time for my self and do something different, to have a little adventure in the middle of my very ordinary life. I love the unknown and the feelings that come with planning for something completely out of the ordinary. Knowing one of the facilitators I felt that this journey would be safe enough. If he’s gone there before I should be fine. The Space looked gorgeous on the website and apparently has hosted many other retreat groups before.   When I purchased the retreat I didn’t tell my husband for the fear of his reaction to my being frivolous and selfish, of course these were my own hang-ups. When I finally told him about my trip he was very supportive. He said, “ you’re a grown ass woman, you can do what ever you want.” As I was traveling my audio book of choice was Jos...

Confusion If you were to ask me the question, (who are you? or what do you like?, describe yourself?) I would have a complete meltdown  with tears and self pity and physical symptoms like fatigue and stomach ache.  I usually leave the Bio section blank on everything I do. I had to have my business partner write my short bio for our website and it made me cry when I read it. It took me well over a month to create a resume.  Theres something in me that has a huge hang up on trying to describe me in simple terms. The reason behind this is that I truly don't know who I am or what I like or where I am going. Its evident if you look at my library of a thousand self help/ motivational books.   When my youngest daughter was little she would ask me, “mommy whats your favorite color today?” I would reply “this very moment it is _________ but it could change”.   I also wouldn't make promises when the kids asked me and my reasoning was, how do I know if I wont change...