sum ergo sum

  Pain  what is it? A physical suffering or distress, a sensation in a particular part of the body   Pain and suffering only exist on this planet in these bodies we came here to know pain.    Pain is a sensation but suffering is a choice. Suffering happens when we reject the pain. But what happens if you dive into the pain fully, embrace the sensations. Ride out the feelings with complete and total acceptance? There is something very powerful about feeling pain. It will show you your dark corners of fear. It will give you back stage access into the unconscious world that runs your waking world. Going through pain is a holy and sublime process.  After experiencing tremendous pain there is a shift in your being. You will experience a feeling of confidence as well as a softening of compassion for those going through it. We all experience pain at some point in our lives. Understanding that there is a reason for it will help you to move gracefully through it. Do...

Check in  I’m currently sitting in a little white, well lit, room on a comfy bed. My bags and books all around me. I will be diving into my studies in a bit but I just wanted to get a few words out as there coming to me now.  I have been in So Florida for almost 7 weeks and have been staying with a sweet family that has opened their home to me. I came here to get a change of perspective. I came here with the intention of working on my flying so that eventually I can work as a professional helicopter pilot. I’m still very inexperienced and still have so much work to do. I love flying. I love learning and at this point in my life I’m so grateful I have it as a distraction.  Before I chose to come here I was basically isolating my self from the world, submerged in the depths of my own grief and heartache. I would spend my days sitting on the couch staring at the walls completely lost. Not knowing how to navigate my own heart and the feelings of loosing my child....

Soul reboot~ Question?  When we die does it feel like waking up from a dream? Do we remember the details the love the people the story, or does it all disappear when our eyes open. Do we even have eyes to open? After the death of my daughter I have been doing everything I can to stay connected to her essence. I look for signs everywhere. I search my dreams, I search faces, pictures, animals, butterflies, the wind. Everything is now somehow connected to her. Its actually pretty wild how my mind can turn a song or conversation into something about my daughter and truthfully, it’s comforting. My youngest daughter and I decided to take a little time away and go on a trip together. We are working on completing Juliana’s extensive bucket list. Surfing and cliff diving are two things we get to check off after our fantastic stay In Puerto Rico. During our stay there were so many beautiful moments of clarity and understanding. Seeing the course of events unfolding and...

Swapping skin suits Dream   I had the ability to switch out skin suits. My body could be put on and taken off like a piece of clothing. When I would step into my skin I would immediately feel all the attachments and preferences connected to the physical being. The love and relationships that were important and the unique combination of   chemicals hormones and emotions that were habitually flooding my body. I would try on other peoples skin and sink right into the thoughts and fears and loves and moments of that person. All the attachments of my old skin were gone as I was submerged into a new set of sensory preferences. I could feel the connection of loved ones and stories. I could completely understand the feelings associated with the stories that were present. Each skin suit was wonderfully unique; it came along with such a beautiful combination of likes and dislikes and habits and talents. What I did notice was as I was able to bring my consciousness into these suit...

Obsession Recently a girlfriend of mine let me in on her little secret, she has been struggling with her weight. Every day she wakes up thinking about what she can and can’t eat, she fights with too much, too little, the right combination. She feels anguish, confusion, frustration and exhaustion about her dilemma every single day.   We talked a little about her frustration; she claimed to have tried everything. I suggested that maybe she just stops trying so hard, stop struggling, stop fighting her body and stop the thoughts.   Of course her reply was, “oh that's easy for you to say, if I had a body like yours I could do that.”   I’m going to let you in on my little secret, the reason I could relate to my girlfriends issues is because I used to be obsessed with my body and image as well. I used to hate my body. I used to think I was too tall, too fat, too lumpy, my hips were to big, my skin is the wrong color, my boobs were too small, ...