sum ergo sum

If God had come to me 23 years ago and said; Hey Sariah I have an amazing adventure for you if your ready. You will fall madly in love with a stranger, you will marry and make 4 beautiful babies, you will struggle like you have never struggled before, money will be tight but love will get you through. You will have many, many heart breaks, you will suffer from depression, betrayal, lonlieness, self esteem, you will be shamed and ridiculed, your heart will be broken.  On the lighter side you will travel the world, You will have many friends and loved ones, you will have plenty of money and all the comforts you could ever desire, you will laugh, you will have more fun than you can imagine, you will cry and love and hate and feel like the world is amazing and terrible. You will grow and age and your children will love you and leave your care, you will find peace in nature and with animals. You will eventually love yourself and you will realize all of this is tailored to you a...

Stop struggling~ my marriage Thinking about my struggles to be a better person and realizing the more I struggle the more I have to struggle. I’ve been watching my words. Watching the stories I tell about my life. One of those stories has been that my marriage has been a struggle. I have issues with being understood and accepted, I complain about how hard it is to get along and have fun together. I talk about how different we are and how our interests are completely opposite.  I joke about marrying for contrast. Paying attention to these little stories I talk about has been incredibly enlightening. I didn’t realize that all this time I’ve been creating a marriage of struggle. I only just now realized that it doesn’t have to be a struggle. My marriage can be anything I choose. If I change the way I look at it and look for all the positive aspects that are already present, then I will be creating a more fulfilling beautiful relationship with the man I already love. I...

Imagining my life in hindsight. Seeing from the view of an elderly woman looking back at a life well lived. I imagine how I will feel when it’s all over. I imagine how full my heart will feel from all the love shared and all the time spent. I imagine my children and grandchildren in their happy lives living fully and loving completely. I see many memories of trips and walks I see dinners and movies, holidays, birthdays, weddings and deaths. I imagine business ventures that paid off. I see vacations to exotic places. I imagine a multitude of friends and extended family. I see parties and get-togethers.   I hear laughter. I feel open hearts. I feel gratitude for clarity and memory. I imagine putting on music and dancing my healthy old body around preparing my self for the transition into the otherworld. I feel complete knowing that I cherished my moments and the people in them. I feel full knowing that my love and wisdom touched many and they are now better for it. I have a sweet ...