sum ergo sum

CrossFit Fitness goals Recently turning 44 and feeling so great in my body I wanted to do a little physical self-evaluation. A measure of my fitness and health so that I could work to improve all of it Today I ran ¼ mile in 82 sec. last time I timed this 400m sprint it was 94 sec. I then continued to work with my dead lift, (which I haven’t been working on due to a torn hamstring.) Today my dead lift is at 205, hamstring feels great. The work out its self was Angie, 100 pull ups, 100 push ups, 100 sit ups and 100 squats. All of these things were inaccessible as a young person. My 20 something body had no idea how to move properly and definitely didn’t have the strength to do all of this work in one day, in my case 1 hr. I am so pleased that all of this is now apart of my everyday life and my world has become so fun. Due to CrossFit my fitness level has sky rocketed. I feel confident about being able to jump into any activity and perform well. Hiking with frie...

 Messy mind~ What we see in others is only possible because it is present in us. “You spot it you got it,” a fun phrase I picked up from Colin Tipping’s book Radical forgiveness. Or how about the old saying when your pointing fingers you have 4 pointing back at you. This is huge. Being able to spot the bits and pieces of our personality that need work, by examining the way we judge and condemn others. I have always been fascinated with the mind and the connection to soul and body. The mind is a marvelous conundrum full of interesting perceptions. It is not to be trusted. Truth is a matter of perspective, everything can be twisted by the mind. My understanding of this concept “you spot it you got it” has put me in a curious place of investigation. I look at what I am judging about other people and then turn it inward. I Find the puzzle pieces of my fractured view and then understand what it is in me that needs some work. What I have come to over the years is I ...

Insight What a crazy world of emotion and illusion and projection I live. Let me explain. Years ago as a young person filled with excitement and wonder I left my family of origin and decided to give life a go. I wanted to test my self, see what I was capable of. I didn’t have a plan just desire to make my life great. I moved to a snowy college town got three jobs and enrolled in school. As life became difficult I started to doubt my self. My excitement became less and less as the workload became harder and harder. I did what most young ladies do when they have no real experience with their own empowerment, I asked for help. I started to believe that I couldn’t do it on my own and I needed to be saved. Damsel in distress! My favorite hero was, and still is, superman. I needed a Superman to rescue me. Sure enough on cue he did. I met my husband and I was saved, we were no longer individuals but a couple and two minds are way better than one. He was full of ideas and ambi...

Greiving~ denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. The stages of grieving.... Well, I think I got mine a little mixed up but here goes. I know I will have to go through all these stages at some point but what I have felt so far are denial and depression. Anger is now showing up and I don’t like it. I do not like feeling so angry. I look into my anger and I cannot blame anyone or any thing it just is and I don’t know what to do with it.  What is anger anyway? {Anger is used as a protective mechanism to cover up fear, hurt or sadness} Where does it stem from and how can I rid myself of this feeling?  I feel like a monster. I will sit with this intense emotion, I will feel it through my every cell. I will let it run its course like a nasty virus and I will be still. I will allow my body to process.   I will writhe and scream, I will spit and curs, and it will be ok. It will all be ok, this is what I asked for and here I am feeling ...

Home What is it anyway~ I woke with a deep longing to be home, this happens now and again but this time it was almost crippling. I wrapped my arms around my middle, curled into a fetal position and wept. It felt like an eternity of tears and uncontrollable sobs. I then asked my self what am I missing? What is actually going on? Why am I having such intense emotion around the concept of “HOME”?   Here’s what I got; as a young person we were moved around from house to house, and state to state, even spending many of our moves in Mexico. My parents were nomads, Gypsies. They would move us with out a moments notice and take us to some unknown place. As a child I had no idea why we would move so much but it usually meant I got to leave school and drive across country and start again somewhere else. Eventually this became tiresome as I would not want to be stuck in a van with six or seven other kids, and I did not want to leave my friends behind. I did want an education. The...