sum ergo sum

For the sake of it I am writing to you this beautiful southern Colorado spring morning, there is no reason, there is just  you and I and these words.   Doing for the sake of doing. Writing for the sake of writing, loving for the sake of loving. Giving up “in order to.” Yesterday I spent most of the day cutting down fences and listening to my breath. I quietly felt as thought every stretch of barbed wire that I rolled up was in a way freeing the land. As my mind would wander some how I kept cutting and rolling this rusty spiky wire. I realized that my body doesn’t need me. My mind can be a million miles away and my body will continue on the task at hand. I also realized that when I was able to reel in my thoughts and quiet them down, that I was able to also experience the sensations of doing, breathing, moving, the ground beneath me, the birds chirping, the sun shining, and the mountains being mountains. There is something truly spectacular about just being, the mom...

let It be Feeling down is a familiar place for me. I believe I have spent most of my life in a mild state of depression. Detached from my body and the other people in my life. I don’t have many childhood memories that are positive. Most of what I remember is foggy, aloof, disconnected. This place was a sort of hiding ground for me as a young person being able to watch from the sidelines rather than jump in and be a part of my life. Well here I am at almost 42 just learning to jump in take the bull by the horns, trust that it will all work out. Here I am loving this life Here I am loving my children Here I am diving into my fear and coming out the other side Here I am realizing that I have more power than I could have ever imagined Here I am sitting at my laptop after three days of absolute depression talking to you. Here I am calling my self forward. When I get caught up in the emotions of being sad and being defeated not much gets done, all I want to do is drink t...

Duck in water We have these fuzzy little ducks. We bought a pair from the local tractor supply store as an experiment of our ability to raise a couple birds for our pond. They have been living in our garage in a pen of hay under a heat lamp. Each day they grow a little and develop new feathers. After a month of being land animals, and waddling around on their weird little feet, I decided it was time to let them swim. At first I was a little worried since there wasn’t a mother duck to teach them to swim. What if they didn’t know what to do. What if they didn’t know they were ducks and instead thought they were dogs since the only animals they have been around were my 5 dogs. What if they drown? We carefully placed them in my huge soaker tub and whaalaa. They swam brilliantly. They floated,they dove, they chased each other around the tub squawking in delight. They were made to swim, their weird little feet that could only waddle on land were perfectly graceful in water.   Wa...

Misogynistic This scary hateful word crossed my mind recently What came about because of this thought was liberating, soulful, connecting, mind altering for me. Let me explain. I’ve been putting together a teachers training program, for my yoga school. Daily research into books and teachers and words of insight has been my morning ritual. I love learning, and challenging my self to continuously go deeper into the unknown of my personality, my limitations and beliefs. It would only make sense that as I create a transformation program for others I too will have to feel the fires of transformation. Reading through the Warrior Goddess Training by Heatherash Amara, I discovered that I don’t like women. In fact it has been a much stronger feeling than dislike more like hatred. Now I know that even admitting to this there are a lot of women in my life that would reject this statement because I do love them dearly. However, as I dig into the limiting mental programs that I have ...