sum ergo sum

Fast forward How do I want it to be? This little question has changed my life. I’ll explain. I have been plagued with an over active imagination, I have spent 90% of my life in my own mind thinking, wondering, pondering contemplating, conjuring, complaining, worrying, stressing, fighting. Only recently have I even realized that most of what I think isn’t real. Its just my mind running around in circles making me crazy. It feels as if my mind has a need to stay busy, active, moving so that I feel productive and important. Gaining control of this run away freight train has been quite a challenge. My thoughts have now decided the best time of attack is the middle of the night, usually around 3am. I wake with tremendous anxiety about everything. There have been nights I’m completely drenched in sweat any my jaw hurts and other nights where I feel such a debilitating fear I cannot move or breathe. Why am I telling you about this part of my life? Some how I know that we a...

Yesterday my husband and I had an argument, we usually get a little mouthy after a couple margaritas. He was frustrated with me for not knowing what is going on in the world. My lack of interest in politics and current affairs as well as the brutal ways people are hurting each other, makes him crazy. I agreed with him and admitted to doing this on purpose. Focusing on the hurtful things people are doing out there in the world doesn’t feel good to me. I intentionally do not watch news or read articles of this type, I scroll through the heated opinions quickly on social media not engaging on purpose. I hone in on the many occurrences of love and kindness that are occurring all the time. This is how I stay uplifted my self, then do what I can to share it with others. Here’s what I understand. ·         We cannot feel bad enough about anything to make it change. ·       Focusing in on negativity will bring more of it. ·  ...

Death is not painful, living is painful and magnificent and wonderful and delightful. I stepped into the other world today. Not on purpose and it was very brief but needless to say there is something so tremendous out there waiting for all of us.  My initial sensation was ease, then wonderment then joy. I came back laughing. Let me explain. I play on my aerial silks daily working on my strength and mastering gravity, flipping and twirling for the pure fun of it. Today was different today something happened after hanging upside down then flipping to a hang by my armpits. I must of cut off my circulation and passed out. This all happened so quickly that my friend who was also working out didn’t even notice.  I know it was only brief, but in my mind it felt like a week. I felt my self separate from my body. I was walking down a long corridor dark and totally silent, it took a moment to understand what was happening and ...

Something fun I’m writing a book on Fun.  I’ve been doing research on what it is to have a fun life to be joyful and inspiring. This a personal journey from being a shy insecure wall flower as a young person, to embracing all of life and laughing along the way.  I have challenged my self to do something everyday that is purely for the sake of fun and then to share this journey with as many people as I can. What I have found is sharing is the most fun. Laughing with others, trying new and challenging things. Being open to the possibilities that present themselves everyday.  Saying yes when I feel shitty is a certain way to shift my mood.  Playfulness is an attitude we can all cultivate. Life is so serious and challenging as it is. Adding the element of play is a delightful way to enjoy our days, how ever many we have. I challenge you to play today!  Do something that makes you giggle from the inside then share it!!!...

Its been a little while since I’ve had the feeling to write. Something has been changing in me and I simply have had the desire to just be. And now today on this Tuesday in the beginning of our summer here in gorgeous Colorado I am feeling the inspiration to share some things with you. Listening to the teachings of Abraham/ Ester Hicks they encourage us to start right where we are. Then search for a better feeling thought.  Right where we all are, being faced with corruption, sadness death destruction, hatred, heartbreak.  I feel such a deep welling of compassion for all of those hurting. I too feel the sadness and wish to make it different. I know by focusing on the good and positive that is present right now I can offer a soothing vibration to myself and those around me. It is too easy to get caught up in all the chaos and fear and hatred, its seductive and natural.  I wish to be above those sensations, selfishly I want to feel good. I want to feel good about...