sum ergo sum

What’s really the point? This is a question I have been asking my self since I can remember. I have to believe it’s a mental program from childhood. However, lets dive in for a moment. When I experience this thought my body feels week and tired, my emotions are sadness and loneliness, my mind is cloudy and disinterested. I ask my self what is there to live for then I answer, my children of course. I end up feeling trapped in this body, wanting to give up but knowing I can not. I tell myself I’m here to learn. Learn what? How to be human? I am here to have an experience. Experience what? Human emotion; sensation, being distracted, being alone, being separate, being shaded, and cynical. If we are all apart of source and we all return to source then this moment in our fleshy prison must have some kind of purpose. Maybe the question alone is in fact the purpose. I have a meditation practice, and sitting alone with my breath is delightful, it’s a vacation from my brain, from a...

Surrender to agree to stop fighting, hiding, resisting, etc., : to give the control or use of (something) to someone else. Surrender is the intersection between acceptance and change I am in a place where I realize that I need guidance. My ego wants to bail on my life and my heart knows I must stay. I ask my self “what am I doing?” constantly and the only answer I have is be patient, surrender. This word   “surrender” has been showing itself to me over and over so I decided to look into it. What does it actually mean to surrender? Not just surrender to another’s will but to the divine. Surrender to the universe to my higher power. What does this actually feel like? So far what I have found is by simply stating my intention out loud by asking for assistance and allowing for inspiration and insight, I immediately feel my body relax. Allowing for guidance is also allowing my muscles to soften my mind to feel clear and I have a sweet sense that everything will be ok. ...

  Body sinking in the warmth of this hot pool my heart rises as I review the tides of life- moving with a current of love and satisfaction- this moment is perfect - exhausted from the day and yet enlivened by it's flow - I close my eyes and let the water take me where it will - I surrender completely to this life and find so much joy in letting go- I've become fluid and take in the sensations of pain and pleasure realizing they are one and the same- pain brings my acute attention to the moment and pleasure is the delicious reward- knowing all things are temporary delicate fragile -i find heaven on earth

Soul mate regression I’m on a deserted island hungry and thirsty and dying. I know my days are limited and I’m so full of anger. The man who left me was the captain of our ship at that time and I’m not sure what I did to deserve to be exiled but that is not important, the fact was I was left to die and am now ending that life with so much hatred and anger in my heart. I curse God and ask to die, wishing to end my pain and anguish. I recognize the captain he is my husband in this life. The next life is one of an American Indian. I am chief of a beautiful tribe my whole life is about caring and justice my wife who I adored completely is my now husband in this life and he/she has anger towards me. She is filled with jealousy because of my power in the tribe. She secretly hates me. Our tribe is massacred while I’m watching and my beautiful family perishes. I cannot save them. We come together again this time he is my husband and I have a deep seeded resentment towards him....

Break down breakthrough~ Recently, I’ve been looking into some of the conditioned habitual thinking that has been running my mind.   Dr. Wayne Dyer calls these thoughts mind viruses . They come from our early childhood and are usually passed from person to person without ever being noticed. Basically, the mental programs we adopt as kids stay with us until we finally choose to look at them. Our individual world will continue to run a certain way until the day we finally want to take a peek at the man behind the curtain. The day we distinguish what is really running our life is a magical day. For me finally discovering some of the mental viruses that were running my life felt so tremendously empowering, kind of like I was living under a spell and the spell was broken. This happened in a moment I would least expect it. I was fighting with my husband. I couldn’t understand how I could be so upset. It took me three days of not speaking to him, running my programs, feeling ...

 New Filter Today I saw a picture of myself  that helped me to notice a filter that I’ve been living by. The picture is of my 14-year-old self looking exhausted. Looking at this young girl reminded me that I have felt tired for most of my life. I have had nights where I wake from a deep sleep and notice my self-saying “I’m so tired” How could this be if I’m sleeping?  I literally get more sleep than any grown person I know. What dawned on me is that the story I keep telling my self of being so tired is a mental habit. It’s a filter that I’ve been looking through for many, many years. Its as though I’ve been wearing a pair of glasses that have a tired tint on them and all I can perceive is TIRED. Today I took the glasses off and whala~ I’m not tired. I feel awake, alive excited and full of energy. Noticing this filter that has been my companion for most of my life is only the first step. Now it is my choice to live from the habit of being tired or my ...