sum ergo sum

Soul mate regression I’m on a deserted island hungry and thirsty and dying. I know my days are limited and I’m so full of anger. The man who left me was the captain of our ship at that time and I’m not sure what I did to deserve to be exiled but that is not important, the fact was I was left to die and am now ending that life with so much hatred and anger in my heart. I curse God and ask to die, wishing to end my pain and anguish. I recognize the captain he is my husband in this life. The next life is one of an American Indian. I am chief of a beautiful tribe my whole life is about caring and justice my wife who I adored completely is my now husband in this life and he/she has anger towards me. She is filled with jealousy because of my power in the tribe. She secretly hates me. Our tribe is massacred while I’m watching and my beautiful family perishes. I cannot save them. We come together again this time he is my husband and I have a deep seeded resentment towards him....

Break down breakthrough~ Recently, I’ve been looking into some of the conditioned habitual thinking that has been running my mind.   Dr. Wayne Dyer calls these thoughts mind viruses . They come from our early childhood and are usually passed from person to person without ever being noticed. Basically, the mental programs we adopt as kids stay with us until we finally choose to look at them. Our individual world will continue to run a certain way until the day we finally want to take a peek at the man behind the curtain. The day we distinguish what is really running our life is a magical day. For me finally discovering some of the mental viruses that were running my life felt so tremendously empowering, kind of like I was living under a spell and the spell was broken. This happened in a moment I would least expect it. I was fighting with my husband. I couldn’t understand how I could be so upset. It took me three days of not speaking to him, running my programs, feeling ...

 New Filter Today I saw a picture of myself  that helped me to notice a filter that I’ve been living by. The picture is of my 14-year-old self looking exhausted. Looking at this young girl reminded me that I have felt tired for most of my life. I have had nights where I wake from a deep sleep and notice my self-saying “I’m so tired” How could this be if I’m sleeping?  I literally get more sleep than any grown person I know. What dawned on me is that the story I keep telling my self of being so tired is a mental habit. It’s a filter that I’ve been looking through for many, many years. Its as though I’ve been wearing a pair of glasses that have a tired tint on them and all I can perceive is TIRED. Today I took the glasses off and whala~ I’m not tired. I feel awake, alive excited and full of energy. Noticing this filter that has been my companion for most of my life is only the first step. Now it is my choice to live from the habit of being tired or my ...

Top five I woke in the middle of the night frantically needing to write down information. I had a realization that we all can have what we want in life if we first decide what it is. In my case I have been wandering around looking for “answers” and bingo my life has been about exactly that “looking, searching, discovering” this sounds great and all but at times I have felt like a hamster on an exercise wheel finding all the same things over and over. Not really going anywhere. It dawned on me that I’ve been putting my attention and energy on the wrong things. I have not wanted to write down what I want in life or what I like or what I want to do simply because I don’t want to be trapped in any one scenario. Lack of commitment? Maybe, or just plain misunderstanding. What I didn’t realize that even though I thought I was outsmarting life and leaving my options open I was actually sealing my fate and creating life experiences called “confusion” “detachment” “no power” When I wo...

There’s no crying in CrossFit   Show no emotion; push your body hard, Grunt, swear, and throw things but no crying allowed Wrong! Crying is amazing. Let me explain. Today I finally got handstand pushups. Something I have been working on for months. For some reason lowering my head to the floor was a huge issue for me. I was afraid of hurting my neck. This was clearly a mental block and approaching the wall with a fellow coach staring at me wasn’t helping. Then something happened I tried and succeeded. To my own disbelief I tried again and was successful again. The WOD called out for 25 burpee handstand pushups and I felt intimidated but knew I had to try. Pushing my limits has been a consistent thing in CrossFit. Go till failure. Then next time I try that failure point may be a little different. This philosophy has been a new and challenging way to approach life and I think I really like it. During the grueling 25 burpee handstand pushups I took them one at a time. I...