sum ergo sum

There’s no crying in CrossFit   Show no emotion; push your body hard, Grunt, swear, and throw things but no crying allowed Wrong! Crying is amazing. Let me explain. Today I finally got handstand pushups. Something I have been working on for months. For some reason lowering my head to the floor was a huge issue for me. I was afraid of hurting my neck. This was clearly a mental block and approaching the wall with a fellow coach staring at me wasn’t helping. Then something happened I tried and succeeded. To my own disbelief I tried again and was successful again. The WOD called out for 25 burpee handstand pushups and I felt intimidated but knew I had to try. Pushing my limits has been a consistent thing in CrossFit. Go till failure. Then next time I try that failure point may be a little different. This philosophy has been a new and challenging way to approach life and I think I really like it. During the grueling 25 burpee handstand pushups I took them one at a time. I...

I woke up this morning and realized something spectacular.  The love I’m waiting for is me.  I remember hearing this years ago and at that point it had an impact however, as all things come and go, I completely forgot.  I’ve been wandering around this planet looking for my love, looking for my passion, looking for my purpose, and going to bed at night feeling empty, dissatisfied, sad.  Something shifted and this morning feels different.  I feel excited!  I feel alive!  I feel like singing to the world what a beautiful amazing day it is.  I remembered.  How completely simple and profound. I wish this feeling on everyone. To love~  The next part of this equation is the most important.  The Love I wish to experience can only come from the love I give.  The love I express wholeheartedly unconditionally is mine to keep.  The expression of Being Love, allows me to completely dive into my purpose my pas...

Confusion If you were to ask me the question, (who are you? or what do you like?, describe yourself?) I would have a complete meltdown  with tears and self pity and physical symptoms like fatigue and stomach ache.  I usually leave the Bio section blank on everything I do. I had to have my business partner write my short bio for our website and it made me cry when I read it. It took me well over a month to create a resume.  Theres something in me that has a huge hang up on trying to describe me in simple terms. The reason behind this is that I truly don't know who I am or what I like or where I am going. Its evident if you look at my library of a thousand self help/ motivational books.   When my youngest daughter was little she would ask me, “mommy whats your favorite color today?” I would reply “this very moment it is _________ but it could change”.   I also wouldn't make promises when the kids asked me and my reasoning was, how do I know if I wont change...

I died in 1964, Paris. She died when I was 5 (1978) She was talking to me in my dreams last night. She is my sweet angel. I feel her presence and continual caring, her joy and excitement for my life this time around. She watches and reminds me that above all to always choose LOVE. Let me explain; I woke this morning with a knowing of my death, I was under La tour Eiffell, not sure how old I was but knowing the year was 1964 Paris. I felt a presence, a gentle loving soul that was speaking sweetly to me. She was my love in that life and is my angel in this one. We shared a life together and she was left alone at my passing. She died 14 years later. I, (this time around) was born in 1973 so this means my angel and I were human at the same time. I was 5years old when she finally left the planet.  Last night in my dream I was told something, about my purpose. I was obsessed with women and I needed to experience what it is to be completely woman.  To ex...

Lessons from Mexico This trip was a spontaneous decision, which came about over lunch at our local Mexican restaurant. My son and I were having a post work out meal when we ran into some friends having their lunch. We chatted and showed pictures of some fun partner yoga postures. I of course boasting about how strong my 19 yr old boy is and then they asked if I would like to go to Mexico with them. Without hesitation I agreed and that was it.  Two days later I purchased my ticket and two weeks after that was on a plane to visit a country that at one point was my home. Traveling alone as I like it. On my journey I decided that this would be a great opportunity to dive deep into my meditative self and focus on simply being present. This is what I discovered. First of all this was the first trip I took with no real agenda, it was just a vacation simply for the sake of taking a vacation. I have traveled many places but each of those trips had a purpose, so...

For the Past few nights, ive been playing around with dreaming. When I fall asleep I set the intention to remember my dream and keep a journal close by to quickly write down details. When I am sleeping there are many moments when I realize im dreaming and then start to manipulate the dream to my liking. I had the idea that if I could dream of myself as a little girl then I could communicate with my child self and re -write the old stories I hold on to.  I could empower her, give her a glimps of the future to come. Her life could be lived in a way that would allow for beauty and magic. I wanted to talk to little sariah, to let her know that she is not alone in her suffering, I will be there when she dreams. My dreams have been foggy, I know I’ve been back several times to my childhood drama. I was able to see me, in a cradle, yellow footie pajamas, maybe 10 months old. Talking to the walls. I was talking to my older projected self. I picked up the baby h...