Posts

Showing posts from 2010

Morning thoughts

There are so many things I want to say. I find my-self rehearsing these words over and over in my head, and when I sit to type they seem so drift off in every direction. Like butterflies on fire. First of all life is a gift. This is it... we don’t get another chance in this body with these friends with this family and personality. This is all we get! Even when it feels alien and wrong it is the right life because we are living it. One of my Friends is considering suicide and I just want to smack him for even saying it. The crazy part is I’ve considered it many times. It seems like an easy way out but then I think of my beautiful children and the thought dissolves. I often tell my kids they are the reason I am alive. I would of ended it years ago. This life is not easy, all of the many emotions and issues we are plagued with from such an early point make even the smallest of trials seem so out of control.I think this is why we are here, to experience this chaos. Our true nature knows o…

Iam you

I amyou, we are the same I am your sister your friend your mother your daughter your spouse your lover I am the person who greets you at the drive through I am the sweet face of death I am the one you see when your heart is breaking It is my eyes you look through when you see love Im the depth of the ocean and the abyss of regret I am loss and triumph I am your heart and your logic I am your boss and your servant I feel your pain I know your pleasure I breath when you do exhale ,you see there is not a human emotion or desire we together do not know. You are the one I am seeking. Im your heaven, it is in each others arms that we can fly for only in the other will we ever know ourselves. We are the same I am you…. You are me…. Open your heart and know there is nothing that is separate.I feel your heart beat I feel you dreaming. I know your tears I taste their salty drops. I love you with every part of my being we are the same… during your moments of daily goings know I know you and you …

speeding face plant

I was imagining my body hurling through the space, twirling and diving towards the earth as the air whipped my skin. I could see the airplane and my sky board, I imagined myself rehearsing the double back layout before I pull the cord of the parachute packed tightly on my back. Would you know it, at that exact moment I hit the handlebar of my bicycle on a railing, which sent my body hurling through the air. Time stopped as I realized that I was daydreaming about skydiving while in reality riding my bicycle. Not only riding but speeding quickly through a winding sidewalk pass withsteep edges and a railing to keep bicyclists like me on the pavement. There was enough time for my mind to register the mistake and the thoughts accompanying the fall. The first thought was “oh shit I just hit the railing.”The next thought was, “ what was I thinking?” Then my mind said, “my body is flying through the air!” “ Wait, wasn’t I just thinking about flying through the air?” “ My face is going to hit …

passing the baton

I eagerly sit in my clean house, candles lit, music soft. Skin still a little wet, my bathrobe cozy, hair pulled up in a messy bun. In 10 minutes Im expecting my first in home Massage, the therapist is a young girl who recently finished her massage school. I know she cant ask for money but Im planning on paying her anyway. I have to giggle as i feel life moving on, 10 years ago I was that young girl ambitiously seeking out clients, traveling all over town doing the work. Setting up my table, making sure my hands were warm, making small talk about body issues. I remember feeling excited and nervous at what i might encounter. I loved doing the work and knowing they were going to receive the "best massage on the planet". I never thought to imagine what might be running through their minds. Coming from a completely different side of this story i feel my life completing its circles Now being the receiver, i am the person who gets to be grateful for the hard work and claim to h…

lessons from a pig

Image
Training Lions. Pumba our baby wild hog has opened a door for me, a life lesson. We adopted a 10 lb sharp tooth wiry red haired, Boar from a friend who kills them for a living. I of course fell head over heels in love. He is smelly and squeals, bites and flips when I try to walk him. Any person in their right mind would say of course he does and why on earth would you try to walk a pig?? Well this it the door I am talking about. For the past 7 months I’ve been working with a counselor and looking at my marriage to Darren. It has been an intense journey, where I end up questioning my basic beliefs and motivations to think what I think and do what I do. Many daily activities trigger questions. My question with Pumba came as I was holding the little stinky pig, wrapped in a towel, on the couch with the whole family watchinga movie. It was obvious, “what in the hell am I doing?” Why would I need to change a pig, (a wild boar) transform him into a house pet I can cuddle??? The answer, I lov…