sum ergo sum

I woke early this morning after a full night of tossing and turning. Feeling sleepy I set up my Cuban coffee maker on the stove. While I waited I had a feeling to move my body so I listened.  My yoga mat was already laid out on the floor and I stepped on it. My body instinctively knew what to do. I reached my hands to the sky took in a deep breath then lowered my arms exhaling. This felt so good I continued moving this way over and over until the movements became rhythmic and my breathing synchronized. I moved from a place of intuition, pure allowing, and I was amazed at the strange shapes my body created, bending and twisting extending and contracting.  Every movement coincided with the breath. I noticed a part of my brain that wanted to judge the movement saying this is not proper yoga. Then a grater part of my self calmed the little voice and assured it that this is in fact the truest yoga around.   The literal  meaning  of the Sanskrit word  Yoga  is 'Yoke'.  Yoga

444                                                                            I have been up since 3  I woke several times in dreams the dream recording started at 12:29 then 12:39 then 2:54 then 3:16 this is when I decided to get up take a shower then write to you.  I am dreaming multiple dreams at the same time. The dreams are blending into each other. There is one common denominator, me, I am watching all the dreams happen and know I’m watching.  The people in the dream are also me and all the lives are happening at the same time. For some reason I chose to wake up in this body maybe because this is the body that will write about it.   There is a group of friends in a living room we are all watching the stories I am dreaming about on a giant screen. The first life is a young dark skinned girl, short brown hair; light golden eyes a purple dress. She is getting an eye exam. She is in love with her young doctor. He has black hair and looks to be middle eastern. He i

The great forgetting.  I woke with words floating in my brain. Do you know who you are? Do you know how magnificent you truly are?  Do you know the power you possess? These are questions for every human on this planet. We are all gorgeous, amazing, wondrous, beings who came here to experience our light in a world of chaos, darkness, and illusion.  We wanted to know if we could do it.  We wanted to try our luck in all different types of scenarios just to see how we would do.  Each time we succeed and get close to knowing who we really are our game ends.  Then we go through the amnesia once again and start over.  Over and over until one day we decide not to, then we find other ways to entertain ourselves.  Maybe watch in on our friends who are having a life and whisper in their ear when they are in the middle of a turbulent episode.  We whisper ~ Do you know who you really are?  Do you know how magnificent you truly are? Do you know

Strange magical happenings. Malaya and I were visiting my friend Sue in Palm city. We were alone in the house cooking dinner. Malaya wanted to video the peeling away of the butter wrapper, she said it feels satisfying so I helped by holding the camera.  We watched the video and strangely there was a music track attached to the video. Neither of us had music playing and the house was completely silent. Sure enough a song was playing in the background of the video. I opened my Shazam app on my phone (Shazam is an app that recognizes music and will display the artist and song being played with in seconds). The song was new to both of us. When we listened to the lovely guitar and the lyrics we both started to cry. A message from Juliana? Later we tried to share the strange video with our friend Sue and the video was silent, the music track that was attached had vanished. In times like these it’s easy to try to explain it away and dismiss the magic that is so clearly being displ

Dying with dignity~  What better way to honor our loved ones then to give them a good death.  I am melting my way back into reality. After spending a weekend learning all about how to support others in their final days.  Our group of 51 came together with the intention of being trained as death doulas. End of life doulas are the people who will assist the family and medical staff to ensure the dying person is well cared for during the final moments and into transition.  We all learned how to support the family, before, during and after the loved person has left our world. Offering love and support, but mostly presence.  There are many things the doula creates with the family and the loved one before the final moments. Including a legacy project of gathering memories and pictures stories and favorite things. Helping to facilitate the project through the process and then leaving the family with a beautiful way to remember the loved person.  We also create a vigil for t

Talking with a medium, In march 2018 I talked to a sweet lady who is a psychic medium. We had a phone conversation about my daughter who had passed away 6 weeks prior. The conversation was so helpful and comforting. She most definitely had Juliana clearly coming through and the things we discussed were undeniable. I chose to talk with her again and made an appointment. We spoke in September 19 months after Julianas passing.  This medium had no idea who I was and in no way would remember me specifically because she reads thousands of people yearly. The words that came through were surprisingly similar to the first reading. There were a few new messages about animals and what she's working on in Heaven. I did my best to transcribe the conversation to share with all of you.  (side note: these conversations seem a little scattered but what I leaned about people who speak to spirit is they must continue to talk out loud and say what ever random thing that pops into their mind to keep

I was invited by a lovely gentleman to attend a sound meditation.  The evening was set up in a local museum and we would be bathed in vibration by a few amazing performers. Crystal bowls and drums, chimes, flutes, string instruments, didgeridoo, and even an instrument that sounded like waves crashing.  I arrived with a gorgeous friend of mine, a Brazilian woman with a fun spunky demeanor and fantastic accent.  She and I met with the gentleman and the three of us made a makeshift space, combining blankets and yoga mats in order to cushion our backs on the marble floor.  The lights went out and the music started. We All laid in silence absorbing the tones of the different instruments played in random. The music was pure vibration, it had such a chaotic quality to it that I fell into a deep trance . I think the purpose was to enjoy each bizarre sound as it appeared and not to follow along with any particular tone or melody. Allowing for our bodies to relax and our minds to move d

What you seek is seeking you~Rumi There is a great invisible force that is working every moment to pull us into alignment with the things we desire. Since the death of my 19 year old daughter,  I have had the desire to make a difference in the world. I want to help people. I want to inspire others to live amazing lives. I have only wanted to share love and hope and comfort. I know we are all dealing with our monsters and some times the best thing we can do is to recognize the struggle, have compassion then step boldly into the unknown.  Yesterday I had an amazing random, (not so random) chance meeting with a lovely lady. I know with out a doubt this was a spirit appointment and she and I showed up exactly at the right place at the right time to make a difference in each others lives. I had been on a walk and noticed a new little restaurant in the location of a building I loved many years ago. Back in the day the building was old wood, completely run down, no windows.

Another sweet message from my daughter. I'm staying at my friend Sue’s house in Palm City Florida. The morning is clear and windy. The house is quiet I am alone. I have been feeling a bit uneasy. I am happy to be in Florida, I am excited to continue working on my flight instructor certificate but for the moment I have had a hiccup with finances and do not have the money to pay for any training.  In the meantime was thinking about getting involved with a grief group or possibly teaching a yoga workshop to help alleviate the pain of loss. Maybe even work part time with hospice. I'm sure I can create someway to fill my time and give back to the community.  I have been going through my journals wanting to find entries to add to my next book  “Year two,”( I actually filled 8 journals since Juliana died.) I found an entry about feeling confused and frustrated and not knowing where I was going. This seems to be a theme these days. I realize it was written last year but I

New Orleans In May I happened to see a post from the New Orleans Burlesque Fest inviting performers to submit audition videos to participate in the upcoming event in September. I of course sent in the video of the aerial cube act from our Pagosa Burlesque show that happened in March. Not really expecting anything I was surprised when I received the official invitation. My partner informed me she would be out of the country and I would need to replace her. Malaya, my lovely daughter was my first choice, she is already a strong aerial performer and she and I have similar body builds. Not to mention performing with my daughter is a dream come true.    The cube is unforgiving, painful and frustrating to master. Many days we would show up, bang and bruise, smack each other, whack our heads and get completely dizzy. The steel bars are brutal and our bodies showed the battle wounds. She and I worked for three months on the routine and sure enough after our many days of frustrati