sum ergo sum

Thinking about my daughter and her brief 19 years on this planet has given me a new feeling about my own life. I am so fortunate to have had so many beautiful years with her. Her passing has made me embrace my living children with tremendous love and affection. I have a new respect for all the living beings on this planet and a complete appreciation for how we each affect each other’s lives. Every life is important and special and I know we are here to live fully with no regrets. In the last few weeks of her life I had the privilege of spending lots of time with her. Together we found an apartment in Denver. We moved her belongings into our new place, laughed about being schoolgirls and roommates together. We dreamt about or future and all the new possibilities. We talked about how excited she was to graduate from massage school and begin her career. We drank wine from mugs and shared a meatball sub on the couch. Life was so thrilling and bright for her. I know as she was dr

Thank you all so much for the tremendous outpouring of love and support and compassion and kindness. It has been a nonstop flood of love flowing towards our family. All the food, flowers, gifts and sweet words of comfort have meant so much to our family in this terrible time. We all thank you deeply. A few words from a mother’s perspective. When I was in labor with Juliana the midwife told me, that natural labor is the most amount of pain a body can handle before it dies. Going through her birth brought a sense of confidence in the knowing that I survived. However, I believe she was wrong. Feeling the loss and grief over my daughter’s death is more. Its not only a physical crippling sensation it’s a literal suffocating fog of the deepest sadness I have ever experienced. The worst nightmare materializing and not a thing I can do but feel every ounce of excruciating anguish. What I understand from this experience is pain is Natures Tenderizer. Its an opportunity to intimat