sum ergo sum

For the Past few nights, ive been playing around with dreaming. When I fall asleep I set the intention to remember my dream and keep a journal close by to quickly write down details. When I am sleeping there are many moments when I realize im dreaming and then start to manipulate the dream to my liking. I had the idea that if I could dream of myself as a little girl then I could communicate with my child self and re -write the old stories I hold on to.  I could empower her, give her a glimps of the future to come. Her life could be lived in a way that would allow for beauty and magic. I wanted to talk to little sariah, to let her know that she is not alone in her suffering, I will be there when she dreams. My dreams have been foggy, I know I’ve been back several times to my childhood drama. I was able to see me, in a cradle, yellow footie pajamas, maybe 10 months old. Talking to the walls. I was talking to my older projected self. I picked up the baby hugge

How can any of us ever really know who we are until we can go back and see the thoughts we had when we were little. If we could look into the mind of our infant self, the toddler the young child, then we can start to make sense of the filters we have been given. The filters that have formed our lives hide in these early years. This way of looking at life has a purpose it was created for us to survive the weird inexplicable events of our raising. The people involved the bizarre ideas that our little minds choose to hold on to are usually hard to access. They lay hidden in our subconscious darkness, obscured by a fog of misunderstanding. These thoughts that are usually written off as “childish nonsense” are the very foundation that the adult self is built upon. The self-loathing the sabotage the destructive person inside our minds is a child. I’ve been reading a book about dreaming by Robert Moss; one of my amazing girlfriends recommended it. She has been doing dream