Juliana's Bucket list

Thinking about my daughter and her brief 19 years on this planet has given me a new feeling about my own life.

I am so fortunate to have had so many beautiful years with her. Her passing has made me embrace my living children with tremendous love and affection. I have a new respect for all the living beings on this planet and a complete appreciation for how we each affect each other’s lives. Every life is important and special and I know we are here to live fully with no regrets.

In the last few weeks of her life I had the privilege of spending lots of time with her. Together we found an apartment in Denver. We moved her belongings into our new place, laughed about being schoolgirls and roommates together. We dreamt about or future and all the new possibilities. We talked about how excited she was to graduate from massage school and begin her career. We drank wine from mugs and shared a meatball sub on the couch. Life was so thrilling and bright for her. I know as she was driving home she was in such a good place mentally and emotionally. I know she was truly happy and full of dreams. She was at a point in her life where everything was looking brilliant and accessible. Her dreams were manifesting daily.
And then that was it, the end.
Her life ended on an exclamation note.

I know with out a doubt that even though her body is no more she is still here, she is around. She constantly brings little reminders and leads me to look in drawers and books I wouldn’t have ever looked in. Music plays at odd times of the day with lyrics that have a message. I have pictures with orbs and ghostly figures.  On Christmas morning the TV turned on by itself as loud as it would go, playing Mariah Carey’s “All I want for Christmas” trap remix, (of course.) She loved Christmas. Her father found a piece of her guitar intact with words written in marker, a song he would sing to her every time she would leave to school “aint no sunshine when she’s gone.”
 I am finding diamonds everywhere. This was something we agreed upon when she was alive. We jokingly said if either of us dies before the other we have to bring diamonds to show that we’re still here.  

We picked up her belongings from the wrecked car and I found her bucket list. She wrote an extensive list of all the things she wanted to experience in her life. She loved to travel and wanted to see the world. I feel like now I have to  accomplish these things on her list and bring her ashes with me spreading a little piece of Juliana all over the world.

Julianas Bucket list
1 skydive free fall take the class
2 cliff dive
3 fall in love

4 go to London
5 visit Fiji
6 Jamaica
7 Carnival in Rio
8 para sail
9 wind surf
10 have my own concert
11drink in Vegas
12 play my songs in French in France
13 go snowmobiling
14 Feed a homeless person
15 act on TV
16 sing on the radio
17 paddle board on the Mississippi
18 drive a yacht
19 go to a frat party
20 bungee jump
21 slingshot ride
22 do a keg stand
23 great pyramids Giza
24 gardens of Babylon
25 statue of Zeus at  Olympia
26 Temple of Artemis
27 colossus of Rhodes
28 lighthouse of Alexandria
29 mausoleum halicarnassus 
30 kiss Hugh Jackman
31 Find and see Luna
32 shave my head
33 drink 100 beers at lady Falconburg, family dedicated brick
34 live in Hawaii for a month
35 learn to surf
36 take my mom to Spain or somewhere of her choice
37 go to Ireland
38 meet an Irish lad
39 beach bum for a month
40 back pack for a month survive the land
41 own a farm
42 have 3 kids
43 learn to fly a helicopter
44 make a scary movie with my mom
45 hold a lion cub
46 ride an elephant in another country
47 Kiss Gerard Butler
48 learn a new language
49 know at least 7 languages
50 ride a bull
51 fall in love with a cop
52 cowboy
53 tech nerd
54 musician
55 chef
56 traveler
57 humanitarian
58 marine or seal
59 shoot a flaming arrow
60 throw a grenade
61 set a fire and put it out
62 beat up a car
63 see the northern lights
64 date a guy who will join me on this for a while
65 spend a night in jail
66 get arrested
67 talk my way out of being arrested
68 fulfill someone’s dying wish
69 go to Bali
70 have a massive food fight
71 get this tattoo
72 demolish a house
73 get into a fight
74 learn to hula-hoop
75 go on a long romantic horseback ride
76 ride the worlds largest roller coaster
77 have sex in a hospital Greys style
78 start a bar fight
79 break a bottle on someone’s head
80 meet a monkey
81 visit India
82 japan
83 Audition to whatever in Hollywood
84 go to Moulin Rouge
85 screw a British bloke
86 see the northern lights
87 go to Niagara falls
88 see 21 pilots
89 see Red hot chili peppers
90 ride a dog sled
91 stay in Alaska for a year
92 see Russia
93 fly a plane
94 get married












 







Comments

  1. You are under the watchful of of Terri PritchardDecember 29, 2017 at 9:42 PM

    Sariah, reading many of your beautiful and heart breaking posts.
    If I could trade places, so you could have Juliana back, I would. I’ve lived an incredible life and gladly trade. You are one of the most complex and incredible women I’ve ever met. I really don’t know you well, however the words you write and the little bit I know from interacting briefly with some of your children... I just don’t have words to say that the pain in your heart and soul must be so enormous, yet you are making the most out of it. In awe, I can’t understand how.
    I know losing my Bill, a husband, not a child, has nearly made me lose my mind over the last 10 years. I know from the little I know from you that you will help others with your strength and wisdom and grow even more beautiful and wise if that is even possible.
    I couldn’t come to your life celebration because I couldn’t stand the pain. I am sorry, I felt weak, I cried and cried and cried and screamed for you. I still am crying. I don’t filter well as you know, so I hope I have not said anything untoward or anything to harm you. You are in my prayers. What a gift Juliana was/ is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sariah EllsmoreDecember 30, 2017 at 7:54 AM

      Darling Terri I love you so much thank you for sharing !!!

      Delete
  2. weedtripperzJanuary 2, 2018 at 9:18 AM

    I think I'll feed a homeless person today as that was one of the things on Julianna's bucket list. I'll tell them it was from her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sariah EllsmoreJanuary 17, 2018 at 7:01 AM

      Yes!!! Please do what if we all decided to take on this one? So much love to you

      Delete
  3. Moving To Utah - Holly LarsenJanuary 27, 2018 at 1:05 PM

    What a beautiful light she is

    ReplyDelete

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