Traveling With Mama

 Traveling with mama,

My intention was to take my mother on a trip. I wanted to spend some time with her and I know she loves to travel. She’s 77 years old and in pretty good health. I thought the best way to spend days on the road would be in comfort and style. I purchased and RV knowing that she would be comfortable riding along in a cushy vehicle. The RV could also convert to a lounge area, where she could lay back put her feet up and enjoy the many hours driving. 

 Most recently my mother suffered from a fall that injured her hip and left her with a concussion. Even though she is in good spirits she has difficulty with balance and walking long distance is a challenge. 

 I arrived late May anticipating our travels would have us on the road by the first of June. I was waiting for my license plates to arrive from the dealer in Orlando Florida. Little did I know that the plates would not be showing up any time soon. My temporary tags were already expired. 

 After many days of waiting around Preston Idaho I decided we would just take the trip with expired temp tags and hope for the best. I felt like a renegade and my mom was my accomplice. Together we packed up and left early Sunday morning. She had a dear friend she wanted to visit. Her friend was planning on traveling the next week. Our only window of opportunity was to leave then. 

 The first day we drove from Preston through Ogden Utah, caught the I-80 and drove across most of the great state of Wyoming into Cheyenne. A total of 460 miles or 10 hours RV time.  We camped at a cute little RV park for the evening. I made her a delicious dinner of vegetable fried rice we sat out side in camp chairs. She then decided to brave the parks facilities. She showered in a strange bathroom, which had very high water pressure. The shower sprayed water all over the bathroom flooding the floor and drenching her clothes. When she was finished she was laughing about the weird experience. Note to self: check the showers before undressing. 

 

The next day we were on the road at sunrise and thought it would be reasonable to drive across Nebraska. I had checked the winds in the morning and knew we would be driving with a moderate crosswind for most of the trek. It’s to be expected in the prairie states. The winds were not fun, the state, also not fun. It was a boring long drive of nothing but fields and wafting cow stank. Because of the challenging winds I was feeling edgy and exhausted and questioning my decision. I seriously could have just flown my mother, why did I choose to brave the open windy road once again? 

After many hours of this nonsense I told my mom I had it and we were going to camp try again in the early morning. When we stopped at a Gothenburg, a little random town. I checked the weather again, the winds were to pick up the next two days and if we didn’t cross the state then we would be waiting out the weather in the silly little RV Park. I chose to just go for it. She and I continued on into Lincoln Nebraska. By the time we arrived I was absolutely frazzled.  My body ached my muscles were tired my brain hurt. The second day was brutal and during the course of the day I found myself being short with my mother. Not having patience for her. She is a sweet lady who loves to talk and during this awful drive the last thing I wanted to do was talk. At one point she had said, “ wow you sure are quiet” I just nodded. Then she asked me about what I think of when I’m driving, still wanting to start up conversation. My only reply was “Nothing MOM.”  When we finally arrived I sat outside on my camp chair had a few beers and cried quietly. I felt like such an ass. I questioned my motivation and intention with my mother and wondered again why I would take her on this journey if I were just going to show up as a miserable companion.

 I prayed. I asked for assistance. I moved my drinking spot to the top of the RV where I could have some privacy, needing solitude. Leaving my mother inside to make her own dinner.

 Something special happened on top of the RV. The sun was setting and the breeze was cool. I felt my heart and breath and I felt my Grandmothers, I felt my Aunt JoAnne, I felt Juliana. These spirits were showing up to help me. My grandmothers both have been dead for many years, JoAnne, my mothers sister just passed away a few weeks ago and my sweet Juliana has been an angel for a little over three years. These special ladies all love my mother dearly they watch out for her. They communicated their love. I could feel their support and encouragement. The knowing I had was that what I was doing with my mother was such a beautiful gift and if they could be here physically they would of loved to take her on this trip. I was told to be gentle and know this time is precious, my mother is precious, I too am precious. This journey is about loving my mother and sharing with her. I climbed down off the RV and had a conversation with my mom. I told her about our sweet Angel ladies who are with us now and how much they adore her. I apologized for being grumpy with her. 

We both slept very well that night even though the other campers all had fires going and my RV smelled like smoke. 

 The next day, I decided to take it easy and enjoy our journey. We made it through Iowa and a rain storm into Davenport. We camped along side the Mississippi River. I love this river. This camp spot was beautiful. The quiet state park was stunning, lush and serene. The flowing river next to us felt so grounding.  I woke at 3AM with so much gratitude my heart felt like it was going to explode. I wrote a little note on my phone not wanting to turn on any lights. 

I wrote: 

I am so pleased to be in the RV camping along side the great Mississippi river. I am so glad we are here. I think about all the little events that had to align in order for this exact moment to show up. My life feels magical. I am so happy to be here with my mother. I am so grateful for her. I am truly lucky to have her in my life and excited to share this time with her. I am happy to be connected to spirit and know that we are exactly where we need to be. Life feels rich and powerful and I am in awe.

The wind gently blows, trickling the humid air into my cabin window. I am at peace.  

  The following day we continued on into Illinois. We arrived at my mother friend’s house where we were greeted with delicious Polish food, fun conversation and warm hospitality. 

 I took a few days on my own wanting to explore Lake Michigan. I camped alongside the gorgeous lake and made some new camping friends. I rode my bike around like a maniac and swam in the lake. Illinois Beach State Park is a definite must if you find yourself in the area. 

 Our trek home was a different story, now with all the time in the world we decided to move with ease. I wanted to paddle board on the Mississippi. My sweet daughter had listed this on her bucket list before she died and I wanted to honor her by sharing some of her ashes with the great river. We drove into La Crosse Wisconsin camped at a nice little RV park alongside the river. 

 I posted on FaceBook that I would share a live video of the  paddle so our family and Juliana’s friends could witness. I had my mother video. Both of our phones died even though they were fully charged. I walked my mother back into the RV to sit in AC while I paddled out again. Wanting to spend time alone with my angel daughter. I moved gracefully along the water knowing she was with me. When my paddle was finished I docked the board on the shore and 4 Blue Angels flew directly above my head, they were flying low and the jets rumbled my bones. I looked up as they flew over; they turned abruptly leaving a massive letter “J” in the sky. I broke down into uncontrollable sobbing. A woman on the dock asked if I was ok and I shared my story with her. She too noticed the letter in the sky. She began crying and told me her brother had just died 3 days ago. We hugged and she thanked me for sharing with her. She said she would start looking for symbols from her brother.  

The next day we traveled into South Dakota, I had an invitation to stay with a friend at her lake house. The couple was amazing. They put us up in their very comfortable guesthouse for the evening. 

After I put my mom to bed I was able to spend time with these two sharing stories and laughter. They learned about Juliana’s Bucket list and wanted to help me check off an item or two. They had a beautiful Yacht and decided that I needed to drive it. Together we all traveled into the sunset with Juliana’s ashes and spread more of my daughter into the wind as we raced along the water. I loved driving that Yacht.

 After Sioux Falls we traveled across South Dakota to visit The Badlands National Park and Mt Rushmore. We were able to park close to the entrance and my mother and I walked in the very hot 98degree weather to see the faces of our presidents. We camped at Sylvan Lake in gorgeous Custer State Park. By the time we arrived it was already late so we ended up enjoying the quiet forest for just a moment followed by much needed rest. 

 The trek from SD to Preston Idaho promised to be about 8 hours so we hit the road heading for her home. Apple maps has a strange new fun feature. I call it the road less traveled. Our navigation took us through untouched Wyoming. Empty county roads to the point I thought we were going to run out of gas. Desolate, barren land for as far as the eye could see not to mention treacherous windy mountain passes. The majority of the trip I traveled less than 50 mph riding the wind gusts along the way. At one point a gust swept us nearly off the road and into the guardrail, my mother screamed and grabbed onto the dashboard. Fun times!

 I had imagined we would arrive in Preston at sunset and sure enough we drove into her driveway as the sun was setting. 

We took a couple days in Preston; she needed to take care of her houseplants and beautiful garden. After a few days of rest we jumped back into the RV to visit Yellowstone National Park. The park is absolutely gorgeous. Our visit was a brief. We camped alongside the Yellowstone Lake. We toured the park and were able to see waterfalls, Buffalo elk, lots of tourists, and of course Old Faithful. 

 

What did I get from this wild ride with my mama?  I have to say that not everyone is blessed with such a sweet woman to call mom. I have always loved my mother but in the years I spent with her I never really developed a true friendship with her. I suspect the family of 11 siblings played a small part in that. What I remember from my time in her care is she did the best she could to take care of us all but there was no time left to truly enjoy each other. Our family was one of necessity and obligation. 

As I became a mother I did take time to visit my mom, mostly so my children could have an opportunity to get to know Grandma Barbara. I never really had the desire to spend time with her alone. 

After my daughter died a few years ago, something in me changed. I realized that the only important part of our life is the people in it and the relationships we build. Sharing love and connection is really all we have and that is no guarantee. Life is not a guarantee. We have no idea when we will have our last day on the planet. I knew if I didn’t take the time now while my mother is healthy and vibrant than I may miss my opportunity. What I gained is a beautiful fun friendship with the woman who made my life possible. I am truly grateful.