lessons from a pig
Pumba our baby wild hog has opened a door for me, a life lesson.
We adopted a 10 lb sharp tooth wiry red haired, Boar from a friend who kills them for a living. I of course fell head over heels in love. He is smelly and squeals, bites and flips when I try to walk him. Any person in their right mind would say of course he does and why on earth would you try to walk a pig?? Well this it the door I am talking about. For the past 7 months I’ve been working with a counselor and looking at my marriage to Darren. It has been an intense journey, where I end up questioning my basic beliefs and motivations to think what I think and do what I do. Many daily activities trigger questions. My question with Pumba came as I was holding the little stinky pig, wrapped in a towel, on the couch with the whole family watching a movie. It was obvious, “what in the hell am I doing?” Why would I need to change a pig, (a wild boar) transform him into a house pet I can cuddle??? The answer, I love to train wild things how to be domestic. Its an innate force driving my very being into insanity. Why? Because, I like a good challenge? Because I think I am the only one who has the ability to do such a task? I think I’m actually doing the wild creature a favor by transforming him to live with me? Something so ingrained takes over when it comes to changing and fixing others that I feel it is my duty even purpose on this planet. I have not been able to see this need until now and now that I see it I see it everywhere, with my kids, my friends my family and God forbid, My Husband! I have labeled my training as “for his own good” and went on my merry righteous way showing those around me a “better” way. Feeling a sense of pride and accomplishment when one of my students does what I require them to do, as if I am the one who has performed perfectly. My Husband has been my Lion, majestic and wild creature that can eat me in one gulp. He has the ability to stalk and kill any unsuspecting prey naturally with out question or remorse. I have been the lion trainer making this wild beast jump through hoops of fire and stand on his hind legs for a treat. I’ve spent numerous hours working with this lion knowing somewhere he will be the good feline I know he can be. Seeing the sweet gentle pussy cat inside and knowing with enough training I can make that killer eat out of my hand instead of eating my hand.
Today I declare something different! Today I stop training and start enjoying the wild creature who has found his home beside me. Today I accept the wild creature that lives inside of me as well and welcome her with open arms. Today I accept those around me for who they are now and love and respect our beautiful differences!