Why did I go and what did I get?
Originally I decided to go on this yoga retreat because I was feeling like I would like to learn from great teachers. I wanted to take some time for my self and do something different, to have a little adventure in the middle of my very ordinary life. I love the unknown and the feelings that come with planning for something completely out of the ordinary.
Knowing one of the facilitators I felt that this journey would be safe enough. If he’s gone there before I should be fine. The Space looked gorgeous on the website and apparently has hosted many other retreat groups before.
When I purchased the retreat I didn’t tell my husband for the fear of his reaction to my being frivolous and selfish, of course these were my own hang-ups. When I finally told him about my trip he was very supportive. He said, “ you’re a grown ass woman, you can do what ever you want.”
As I was traveling my audio book of choice was Joseph Campbell, Hero with a Thousand Faces, I felt his powerful words about needing to be the hero in my own journey. Subjecting my self to the unknown to find my dragon, slay or befriend it and then return home to tell of victory or defeat. This is the ultimate Human story and we all have one to tell. I couldn’t ask for a better travel companion.
When I travel, alone especially, I like to pay close attention to what I am feeling. I allow my senses to become heightened and I feel people and situations out. I use my intuition to guide me and I mostly feel safe and cared for. I also pay attention to where I feel negative emotions as well and use these feeling as a way of looking at my self. Its kind of like taking a giant mirror to my life and through that mirror I can see the shit piled up in the corners. Its usually the stuff I cannot see in my ordinary easy day to day routine.
The question I ask my self is, “What am I noticing?” then I take notes. This trip was a wonderful journey to the heart of an issue I’ve had since the beginning of Sariah and I was so happy to uncover the seed of my mental issue.
This issue is poverty at its best wreaking havoc on all aspects of my live, feelings of unworthiness, self- loathing, unlovable, not enough and apathy. It was time to uncover and let go.
Spending this time on my own, I only felt alone for the first couple days.
I volunteered to be a demo for my friend who practices a unique form of Transformational bodywork. The session was in front of the entire group. I was asked to share my pitiful story of disgust and poverty. He then used my body and the story I cling to, as a demonstration of how to release pent up emotion. He proceeded to manipulate and press, elbow, punch and stretch these feelings right out of my screaming body. Leaving me vibrating on the table open and venerable, like an exorcism of my own story I felt light and free and open to love.
This was delicious; it was exactly what I came for.
From that moment on I felt that every person in that room was now my best friend, my family, my love.
The rest of the week went incredibly well. I felt as if someone took off my dreary dark glasses and now I could see the beauty of where I was.
Guatemala is gorgeous. It is primal and raw and fierce. The people living there are mostly simple and kind. The feeling is nurturing. I felt as if we were at the Navel of mother-nature. The beginning point where we have separated our selves from the origin of human beingness, in order to experience our selves as separate, in order to have our own adventure. Our own Hero’s Journey.
When it was all over I was exhausted and so ready to melt back into my wonderful ordinary existence.
So happy to be Home!
My dragon has been befriended, and I was able to bring paradise home, assimilating the beauty the love the openness into my daily existence.
And now sharing with you~