sum ergo sum

come to me let me love you come to me exactly as you are come to me there is no other only you only I only i beloved

Imagining my life in hindsight. Seeing from the view of an elderly woman looking back at a life well lived. I imagine how I will feel when it’s all over. I imagine how full my heart will feel from all the love shared and all the time spent. I imagine my children and grandchildren in their happy lives living fully and loving completely. I see many memories of trips and walks I see dinners and movies, holidays, birthdays, weddings and deaths. I imagine business ventures that paid off. I see vacations to exotic places. I imagine a multitude of friends and extended family. I see parties and get-togethers.   I hear laughter. I feel open hearts. I feel gratitude for clarity and memory. I imagine putting on music and dancing my healthy old body around preparing my self for the transition into the otherworld. I feel complete knowing that I cherished my moments and the people in them. I feel full knowing that my love and wisdom touched many and they are now better for it. I have a sweet ...

Something in me said to stop searching and just live now. Take a big breath and be present. Feel your skin, smell the air, taste your sweet mouth, see what’s in front of you, hear the wonderful world around you right now and sense the world unseen. Everything un-folds as it needs to there’s no rush. Those things that I desire are already in motion and do exist at a future time or they would not be in my mind and heart. Slow down this is the only reality in this moment. Allow this future self to guide you.  It’s as if the future part of me already has a hold, she is like a fisherman with a beautiful cast she has gently hooked me and is reeling me toward the future self. It is possible to just allow this reeling to bring me forward to call my self into the next moment and the next but I must stay present now or I will miss the gift of now. Now is all there is. The rush to get to another place is a road- block to that place, and pushing to go there will only i...

Talking to my self,  At night I lay in my bed caress my skin and whisper sweet nothings to my self. I say things like I love you so much Sariah. Thank you for being the person you are. Thank you for sharing your body with me, for being open and willing to understand this universe. Thank you for your perspective. I adore you. I truly cherish my time with you. Every part of you is precious and I am so grateful to be having this experience of loving you completely. Every ounce of who I am is in love with every ounce of you. I love your mind, your body, down to every tiny working cell and most of all I love your heart. I love witnessing the expansion of you. You are my favorite person on this planet. My wish is your command. Anything, you can conjurer up I will gladly give to you. You are my world.

For the sake of it I am writing to you this beautiful southern Colorado spring morning, there is no reason, there is just  you and I and these words.   Doing for the sake of doing. Writing for the sake of writing, loving for the sake of loving. Giving up “in order to.” Yesterday I spent most of the day cutting down fences and listening to my breath. I quietly felt as thought every stretch of barbed wire that I rolled up was in a way freeing the land. As my mind would wander some how I kept cutting and rolling this rusty spiky wire. I realized that my body doesn’t need me. My mind can be a million miles away and my body will continue on the task at hand. I also realized that when I was able to reel in my thoughts and quiet them down, that I was able to also experience the sensations of doing, breathing, moving, the ground beneath me, the birds chirping, the sun shining, and the mountains being mountains. There is something truly spectacular about just being, the mom...

let It be Feeling down is a familiar place for me. I believe I have spent most of my life in a mild state of depression. Detached from my body and the other people in my life. I don’t have many childhood memories that are positive. Most of what I remember is foggy, aloof, disconnected. This place was a sort of hiding ground for me as a young person being able to watch from the sidelines rather than jump in and be a part of my life. Well here I am at almost 42 just learning to jump in take the bull by the horns, trust that it will all work out. Here I am loving this life Here I am loving my children Here I am diving into my fear and coming out the other side Here I am realizing that I have more power than I could have ever imagined Here I am sitting at my laptop after three days of absolute depression talking to you. Here I am calling my self forward. When I get caught up in the emotions of being sad and being defeated not much gets done, all I want to do is drink t...