check in from Florida


Check in
 I’m currently sitting in a little white, well lit, room on a comfy bed. My bags and books all around me. I will be diving into my studies in a bit but I just wanted to get a few words out as there coming to me now. 
I have been in So Florida for almost 7 weeks and have been staying with a sweet family that has opened their home to me. I came here to get a change of perspective. I came here with the intention of working on my flying so that eventually I can work as a professional helicopter pilot. I’m still very inexperienced and still have so much work to do. I love flying. I love learning and at this point in my life I’m so grateful I have it as a distraction. 

Before I chose to come here I was basically isolating my self from the world, submerged in the depths of my own grief and heartache. I would spend my days sitting on the couch staring at the walls completely lost. Not knowing how to navigate my own heart and the feelings of loosing my child. 

Being here has been a tremendous shift. I have been up everyday before sunrise. I have been studying non-stop and flying as much as I can. Working on becoming an instrument rated pilot has taken so much work and focus. These new skills are challenging and take so much of my mental capacity.  I have been able to put my loss in the background of my mind and dedicate my wandering thoughts to learning. There is a lot involved when trying to fly a helicopter with only reference to instruments. The information alone is astounding. It is a whole new language and I am happy to challenge my 45 year old brain with this new task. 

Many times throughout the days I have asked myself what am I really doing here. Why am I making myself take on this major task? What is it I’m trying to accomplish?
My answer is, I’m not really sure. I just needed something to shift my world and help me get moving in a healthy direction. 
What I’m realizing is I needed to open up and let other people in. I needed to put my self in a place where I had to talk to people. Living with this gracious family has made me open up and share love. I do miss my own family. I adore my children and miss them terribly.
 I have had the privilege of visiting with my daughter who lives here in Florida. What a treat, she is a beautiful person with a blossoming life and being in her presence is inspiring. I also had the great opportunity to meet my 18 year old daughter in New Orleans to celebrate her 18thbirthday. We had so much fun in the city and I felt so grateful to have spent some time with her. She too is such an amazing individual and is growing into the most gorgeous loving person. 

I wish I could have my son come visit but I will be home soon enough and can’t wait to see him. 

I am so proud of these people and feel incredibly lucky that I get to be their mother.  

Every day is a new challenge, I have to wake up and remind myself that this life is a gift and having a heart that feels so deeply is something I wanted to experience. 
I feel like our time here is a brief journey into the realm of feeling and contrast and creation. 

My daughter’s death has opened me up to a whole other side of life. I have had some magical moments where I know without a doubt she is still here. 
She is present in our lives and is cheering for us to find love and fulfillment. She walks with us through out the daily tasks showing her love in any way possible. I feel that she is doing her best to remind us in every moment that there is so much more to this existence. There is a whole invisible world of assistance and love always watching.

I think she is the one who gave me the quiet inspiration to get my butt off the couch and take some time in Florida to get my head straight. 
I feel like she whispers to me when I feel overwhelmed and encourages me to keep going. I feel like she’s with me right now typing this post so that I can share with you, all of you who loved her. 
Also I know that at some point my experience of her death will help others open to their loved ones who have transitioned. 
This life is a spectacular journey of feeling emotions that expand our beings and being here is our choice. 
All of it! 
Now back to my studies, I’m excited to be coming home soon, counting down the days 9 to go!!
  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Infinite Possibilities

Image
Welcome to the world of infinite possibilities.  It’s an amazing ride that will scare the shit out of you but is so incredibly inspiring and worth every scream.   What would you do if you knew you could not fail? Every failure is just a course correction. We are always being fine tuned and guided to live our most glorious versions of our selves in every moment. The key is to trust that The Universe has got your back. The things you want Source wants for you, If you are willing to move even an inch in that direction Source will move mountains to accommodate you.  I am only now figuring this out. Little by little this game has been revealing itself to me. I understand that every thing I think, feel, and do has an impact on the life that is showing up for me. My daughter’s death has taught me that tomorrow is not a guarantee. Now is the only time I have. Now, this moment, not ‘some day’ or ‘maybe another time’. There is only now and in this now everything is possible. The key to unlocking
Read more

Traveling With Mama

Image
  Traveling with mama, My intention was to take my mother on a trip. I wanted to spend some time with her and I k now she loves to travel. She’s 77 years old and in pretty good health. I thought the best way to spend days on the road would be in comfort and style. I purchased and RV knowing that she would be comfortable riding along in a cushy vehicle. The RV could also convert to a lounge area, where she could lay back put her feet up and enjoy the many hours driving.   Most recently my mother suffered from a fall that injured her hip and left her with a concussion. Even though she is in good spirits she has difficulty with balance and walking long distance is a challenge.   I arrived late May anticipating our travels would have us on the road by the first of June. I was waiting for my license plates to arrive from the dealer in Orlando Florida. Little did I know that the plates would not be showing up any time soon. My temporary tags were already expired.   After many days of waiting
Read more

Pain

Image
  Pain  what is it? A physical suffering or distress, a sensation in a particular part of the body   Pain and suffering only exist on this planet in these bodies we came here to know pain.    Pain is a sensation but suffering is a choice. Suffering happens when we reject the pain. But what happens if you dive into the pain fully, embrace the sensations. Ride out the feelings with complete and total acceptance? There is something very powerful about feeling pain. It will show you your dark corners of fear. It will give you back stage access into the unconscious world that runs your waking world. Going through pain is a holy and sublime process.  After experiencing tremendous pain there is a shift in your being. You will experience a feeling of confidence as well as a softening of compassion for those going through it. We all experience pain at some point in our lives. Understanding that there is a reason for it will help you to move gracefully through it. Do not squash the pain with pai
Read more