Julianas words from 2014

 Today I was at the family home watching dogs while Darren is out of town. I went into Juliana's room as I usually do when I visit the house. I started speaking to her out loud, I was the only one in the house and wasn't worried about being heard. I suddenly had a need to look in one of her dresser drawers. I found a notebook of Juliana's from high school. When I opened the notebook I turned to a page where she had written a story about her death. I wrote her words below. She must have known something about how she would leave this world. 


 Juliana's words~
The day my heart stopped
Life was normal calm and busy vibrant and dull loud and quiet all in the same. There wasn’t even a indication that the following moment would be my last. Bzzz, (immanent crash) then there was nothing. For a moment the dark consumed my entire being and in a blink I was back outside of my car racing to them screaming “ARE YOU OK? I'M SO SORRY, PLEASE PLEASE JUST LOOK AT ME” they said nothing. I stood there screaming but it wasn’t until she showed up…. My mom… the tears the shock the way she dropped her jaw covered her face and fell to her knees, that’s when I knew… I was dead. I know were supposed to go to some magic light but I couldn’t leave until I knew… so I followed her home to see my family broken. My father so hurt he just drank hiding his tears with a bottle of crown. My sisters were drowning in tears along side my mom so I left. 
When death takes you time fades away, days are seconds and seconds are irrelevant. Something brought me here to the school where I spent years pissed with no compassion for anyone yet when I walked in something was different, it was still gloomy, no smiles made their way down the hall because even if I wasn’t popular to have death touch us is enough to scare the shit out of us and leaves us utterly breathless and yet we move on. The way we play tragedy like its something we can control. My family was broken yet channel 5 was there in 32 hrs.
Death is sorrow. Death is permanent. Death… Death is random so live with out regrets. Make those crazy choices and go through life as if it’s a road that crumbles and falls as you take your next step. Never look back because one day everything will end and you'll  have plenty of time to reflect.

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